What made Thanksgiving 2024 so special?

1. Mixed it up: Old and new friends aged 2 to 60+ from every continent came together around food and fellowship.
2. Embraced imperfections: The gluten-free labels floated away in the wind… the food got cold… WE got cold… but we focused on the substance of the moment and that meant everything.
3. A regular cadence of fun: After the photo booth, the kids enjoyed a treasure hunt on the property, then Laini took them on a neighborhood scavenger hunt (nice job, love!) Later, Tim did magic tricks and the kids pinned the hat on the turkey.

Oh, the memories!

Our shared living arrangement with Tim & Hannah continues to bring such joy. Hannah’s mom Julia brought a belly laugh that matches my own! And they continue to wow with the most delish cocktails (not to mention ube mashed potatoes what?!)

Waymond Jasper stunned in a tux and the family photo at the end of the night was hilarious! We weren’t in the nicest room… but we had to do it here – surrounding the littlest one where he fell asleep.

So much thanksgiving.

Hearts and bellies full… reminded of the joy of community.. renewed in gratitude for our shared living arrangement, family, friends, and of course, the dogs. 🥰

For those wondering, Minki’s still in Shanghai running MustardTek, whose mission is to harness the creative power of diversity for a more equitable world. His worthy mission makes living as a split family an easy decision.

For more on our chosen shared living lifestyle, check out:

• Co-Journeyers
• The Tribe & The Village

The post Thanksgiving 2024 appeared first on Social Legacy.

How do we serve money?

Speaking to Co-hosts Sandi Bragar and Cammie Doder on their podcast Money Tales, we talked about how we often find ourselves in servitude to money.

We forfeit relationships. This July, I had to dip into savings with everything going on – and must admit, it didn’t feel great. Especially when an old friend tried to take advantage of me in a moment of vulnerability. I think he was letting money serve him, hustling for a little extra at the expense of a relationship.

In response, serving money would feel like anger or bitterness, and might look like argument or retaliation. Instead, I did my best to let money serve me. I reflected on how I was blessed with what I had, and reminded myself that regardless of how he approached it, what he sold me was useful – it served our family’s needs and enabled Laini to enjoy a valuable internship.

We damage family commitments and personal health in service to money. Perhaps we give too much to our jobs, we miss the important moments with loved ones, or sacrifice personal wellness time. Short-term, we may benefit from promotions and increases. But one day, we’ll look back with regret at the moments, memories, and health we can never get back. In the big moments, I plan, shift, invest, and do everything I can to choose family.

We consume > contribute. Life is not a zero sum game, but sometimes it can feel that way. We don’t believe we have enough time or resource to volunteer, join that committee, or help the neighbor in need. So we consume and build our kingdoms.

This may provide a feeling of security… I get it. But at the end of our lives, will we ever wish we had more? Or will we wish we had contributed more? Our family has found that every time we contribute, even when it takes a monumental effort to get started, that our family is blessed beyond any reason or expectation!

A great read: Bronnie Ware wrote The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, which is so distilling. Here’s a pdf recap if you haven’t read it and want just the highlights.

How money can serve us

Separate Need vs. Want. Having just moved (and having moved a lot in life!) I make this an active weeding exercise. As we pack, we pull out anything we haven’t used in the last year and give it away. Then on the other end as we unpack, if anything doesn’t fit the home, we immediately get rid of it. The result? No dusty boxes in the garage of things we don’t need (and definitely don’t want!)

Do the Math. On the pod, I was asked how we can validate we consume < contribute. Well, we do the math. When Laini was younger, we used an app to help her divide up her allowance into Spend – Save – Give allotments.

As adults, we track against the same math. Are you dividing your monthly income upfront? If we don’t intentionally set portions aside, it’s startling how quickly it can disappear and we’re suddenly living month to month.

Hold it Loosely. Remember, money is temporary, but the impact we can have with this temporary currency can reverberate forever.

Click here to listen to the full podcast and check out www.social-legacy.com/podcasts for all my recordings. For related articles, check out:

• An awesome podcast with the inimitable Shaun Rein – he shares great wisdom on money management
• Three ways to increase your impact now

The post Money serves us, we don’t serve money appeared first on Social Legacy.

He spoke like he’d known me all my life.

Dave encouraged me not to downplay who I am. He said it’s good to be humble, but not so much so that you’re intentionally dimming your light. He encouraged me, saying at this age and chapter of my life, I’m hardly at risk of becoming prideful. So instead of hiding my light, go let it shine.

So, why the drums?

Well, I do love music. I grew up playing piano and even studied at the Eastman School of Music. I played the flute and violin, too. A few years ago for my annual challenge, I picked up the drums. Not having space for a full set, I learned to play the cajon drum. And as I learned to play different beats, I learned and felt the role of a drum in music. You see, the drummer lays the foundations, providing the beat and letting the rest of the band express themselves creatively.

Ooooh, I like that.

My actual job is the beat the drums.

Can you believe it? I get to lead an organization that creates, from designers and copywriters to creative technologists and data scientists. Every one of them expresses themselves creatively and I get to lay the foundation for them. We work with outstanding client brands (and partners!) and create amazing experiences together.

And check this out! Looking back, I spoke with Dave in Aug 2022, right after Laini and I were unexpected grounded in LA. A few months later, I was offered a job with Wunderman Thompson. Then in December, we merged with VMLY&R to become VML. Now in this amazing job where I work with amazing people, I get to beat the drums.

Yet, I think there’s more.

Beyond this rewarding job where I get to beat the drums, I think Dave knew there was more. I don’t know what it means yet, where else or for whom I get to beat the drums, but I’m keeping eyes and heart open. Have you ever met a Dave in your life, and what did you take away?

To read more about our annual challenge check out our latest for 2024 here.

Click here to read about living with and thriving in the midst of unpredictability.

Check out 3 things we can learn from water.

All images created with Dalle 3.

The post Beat the Drums appeared first on Social Legacy.

End November, Minki was having trouble breathing and then began experiencing chest pain. After two nights of sleeping upright, he went to see the doctor. Turns out he had pneumonia. As you may have seen, there’s been an upsurge of respiratory illness in China this season. After all, this was the country’s first full winter season since it lifted its uber strict COVID-19 restrictions in December last year.

Minki goes to the hospital.

Well, because Laini was preparing for finals so we decided the girls would stay in the states. But then both Minki’s lungs filled with fluid. He was admitted to the ER as Laini found herself in the middle of her finals.

We stayed in daily contact – Minki didn’t want us coming to visit when there wasn’t anything we could do. Meanwhile, hospitals were overflowing with respiratory illness. In fact, they were so full that his bed was placed in a public area – there were no rooms left. Check out the photo he snapped from his mobile hospital bed, while waiting for a blood test. There were 400 people queued in front of him!

And then, Minki’s left leg started to hurt. Our long distance runner wondered… shin splints? Turned out he had a blood clot in his leg, DVT or deep vein thrombosis.

This led the doctors to wonder if he had a pulmonary embolism because blood clots can loosen and lodge in the lungs. After a few scans, it turns out Minki had many emboli. This sounded pretty frightening and doctors encouraged us to get to China asap. Meanwhile, an ambulance brought him to Huashan Hospital, renowned for its Respiratory and Infectious Disease units (both of which Minki had).

We urgently apply for expedited visas.

So in between Laini’s last few finals, we applied for expedited visas and booked flights. The day after her last final, we flew.

Upon arrival, I dropped Laini at a friend’s and headed to the hospital to spend the night. Our amazing chosen family had already been taking shifts for three days & nights, so the cot and bedding was all set up. Somewhat alarmingly, next to Minki’s IV hung a sign that said, “Absolutely no movement”. With all his blood clots, the staff was worried that any movement would cause more dire problems.

Christmas hits Room 6… with enthusiasm.

Over the next few days, Laini and I brought food and water. We opened gifts, played UNO, and tried to make the space as comfortable and festive as possible. One nurse was baffled at why a large sock was hanging on Minki’s IV 😂

We just buried him in Christmas.

Hospital protocol was very strict and except for 3-7PM, only one visitor was allowed in the room at a time. Don’t ask how we worked around that one 😜. While Minki was still on a bunch of meds, we were pleased to see his appetite return – probably from losing all that UNO.

Wait… cancer?

We thought things were really looking up as color returned to Minki’s face… and then the doctor mentioned 癌症. I had to double confirm the Chinese – wait… cancer, really? What’s that got to do with all this? Turns out the liquid extracted from his lungs showed abnormally high levels of biomarker for lung cancer. So… back to testing.

This time, a PET CT, which uses radioactive matter to get 3D images for accurate cancer diagnosis. Today, we received the results, which are inconclusive. Turns out Minki has a whole string of pulmonary emboli, so it’s impossible to tell if there’s cancer. We can only wait a few months, keep taking blood thinners, and hope they shrink or dissolve. Eventually, we’ll look at what’s left and check for cancer again.

Two decades ago, Minki’s mom passed away from lung cancer, so it runs in the family. And yesterday, we suddenly remembered what she said in her final days – “I feel like the richest woman in the world.”

So much goodness.

Truly, Micha was the classiest woman I’ve ever known. She was generous and filled… no, overflowing with the fruit of the spirit. So when she got sick, all that goodness came back in waves, as friends loved on her and cared for her. Now in these few weeks, we were dazzled to see that same love poured out on Minki.

Dazzled, but not surprised.

You see, Minki is such a good human. He did the heavy lifting for nearly all our 17 Spare Room kids. In the last few years, he’s built a nonprofit dedicated to supporting the disabled community, featured in scientific papers and Maker Faire Shanghai, and supported by IDEO, Microsoft, UWC and so many others. So it’s no wonder all that goodness has come back to him. Simply beautiful. And so are our wonderful friends.

By the numbers:

Our holiday health scare in recap: 54 gifts. 39 delivered meals. 35 vials of blood. 29 visitors. 21 medical tests. 15 friends who rotated shifts in the hospital.

Here’s to a hopefully uneventful new year!

For related content, check out:

• Our experience with China’s COVID lockdown, and 6 weeks later.
• A podcast I did on life in China
• Our family story

Image creds: DVT, PE

The post Our Holiday Health Scare appeared first on Social Legacy.

We can’t always understand why things are happening the way they do…

but when we flex, or even dance to life‘s unexpected rhythms, amazing things happen. You see, I’m now leading an absolutely incredible organization, based out of Los Angeles. This team inspires me every day!

Laini is at a fabulous school we probably wouldn’t have considered, we’ve made amazing friends here we otherwise wouldn’t have met, and my husband’s non-profit MustardTek is thriving in Shanghai.

Throughout the year, Laini and I connect with her dad every few months (in Shanghai, LA, and Italy… not bad, right?!) and it’s been working in a beautiful, unexpected way. But now in December as we prepared to meet up for a safari, Minki suddenly became very ill.

So this week, we canceled all our plans, received expedited visas (thank you, Chinese consulate) and fly tomorrow morning to Shanghai.

Sure, there have been some emotional moments.

But more than anything, I find myself reflecting on the things for which I’m grateful. Our visas turned around very quickly 💨 and we were able to book flights (my chief of staff is a bad ass who takes such good care of me in all the little and big ways 🫶). I’ve also been crazy impressed by how my daughter exhibits agility and joy in all things, running to the consulate with me multiple times in the middle of finals week ❤️

Whatever happens will happen, because a lot of things are not in our control. So we we focus on managing those things which are, to the best of our abilities. After all, we can either hold things loosely and uncover pockets of joy where we can, or we can grip life tightly and mire in anxiety.

I choose A.

For related articles,

• Our family story
• Check out our family rituals
• Does your family have a safety plan?

The post The only sure thing about life is its unpredictability.  appeared first on Social Legacy.

Our family has been living apart (but seeing each other frequently!) since July 2022. That’s why we were particularly thrilled when Minki came to LA, so we were able to set up the tree together. Um, we were happier than we look in this snap! 😂 I mean, tree decorating is serious business.

First, we start by hanging our “annual ornaments”. You see, every year we make or have made a special ornament. In 2008, we did the baby hand and footprint thing. Then in 2009, our neighbor who was a woodworker, made Laini a special little bear ornament. Well, that catalyzed the holiday tradition! Now though we’ve lost touch with our neighbors John and Peggy, we’ll remember them always because of that special ornament. And the family ritual they inadvertently started for the Chang’s.

Of course, one last ritual is to watch, as frequently as possible, the movie, “Elf“. When he tries to run out of the bathroom while covering his eyes… eating the subway gum… maple syrup pasta… pure Christmas classics!

What are your Christmas reflections or special holiday traditions? I’d love to hear about them! And whatever they may be, our family sends you our warmest wishes. May you experience joy, laughter, and togetherness this Holiday season. Love, the Changs

For related articles, check out:

• Chinese New Year traditions
• Family stories
• Does your family have a safety plan?

The post Christmas Reflections appeared first on Social Legacy.

It’s all about community.

Ah, those lovely humans we get to live life with. We may choose to let years go by and not say hello to a next door neighbor, or we can intentionally curate connection in life’s most mundane moments. Here on Ashton with some lovely people, we curated a special sense of community in this building. We held doors for each other, gave each other’s puppies little treats, and looked out for each other’s packages.

And then we found the FUN!

See, in inclement weather, the littles often played in the garage. So one day I hung this bag from “the Ashton elves.” Periodically leaving them little toys, books and snacks…. hoping to add a little fun to their inside play days. And it was only when we moved out that I discovered others in the building had started to leave little treasures, too! 

Long live the elves.

People say it’s difficult to connect in LA. But community is what we make it, and I’m constantly uplifted by how humans rise to the occasion! May the Ashton elves live on and here’s to #sociallegacy!

https://social-legacy.com/tangible-tips-to-live-with-intention-emily-chang-social-legacy-apac-coaching-conference/For tips on Living with Intention, check out this post.

The post Find the FUN and leave a legacy! appeared first on Social Legacy.

Consider the difference between stress and uncertainty.

If I can identify the reason for my anxiety, I can begin to take action. If I’m feeling stressed due to too many priorities, I can streamline what needs to be done in the short term. On the other hand, if I’m feeling rocky because I worry I’ve lost my boss’ support, I might set up time to speak with them or seek advice from a mentor. This is how emotional granularity allows us to reflect in a productive and action-oriented way.

As leaders, we can gently probe when people seem to be struggling.

Sometimes folks just don’t have the words, or haven’t landed on a resonant reflection of what they’re experiencing. To help, we can try to provide a multiple choice scenario. In fact, I recently worked through this process with one mentee who called me, feeling ‘stressed’. As we spoke, Ella realized she was actually worried about being overworked in the immersion period, as she moved into a new role. So, as we unpacked what was specifically stressing her, we asked: 

• Do you fear dropping the ball?
• Are you afraid of letting people down? 
• Is your concern about work-life balance?

Through the conversation, Ella realized that she was fearful of being perceived as unready for the new job. Actually, she thought she could do the work well, but worried she wouldn’t be able to express her thoughts cogently to earn her new teams’ respect. So, she hired an exec coach to serve as a sounding board and build confidence. Concluding our discussion, she felt steadied with this degree emotional granularity and tangible next steps.

This is just as relevant when communicating with kids.

Kids may act out when feeling overwhelmed. They may throw a tantrum when they can’t express their feelings. And as parents, we may become frustrating, feeling as though they’re overreacting to a small trigger. In fact, they’re reacting as well as they can, with the tools they have at hand. Perhaps they needs more words, granularity, and help developing a plan to get back above surface.

So whether managing yourself, helping those at work, or engaging with kids, practice a little emotional granularity this week.

For related articles,

• On creating a sense of security
• On cultivating calm
• The importance of psychological safety

Credit: Emotion wheel, Stress balls, Questions

The post The Power of Emotional Granularity appeared first on Social Legacy.

THE NONESSENTIAL MINDSET

If essentials enable us to be, and to exist…nonessentials are all about how we feel and grow. By adopting the nonessential mindset, we can shift our focus from surviving to thriving. From simply doing to engaging. And from “getting through the day” to living in abundance and joy! Here are three nonessentials I’ve learned, which can make all the difference.

1. Embrace with language

In our spare room, we’ve hosted a number of teenagers we barely knew. Lexi, one of our fourteen-year-old girls, was sweet and quiet. Because of challenging life circumstances, she was often withdrawn and sad. Well, to draw her out, our family would invite her to join us when we went out to dinner or visited the ice rink.

Here’s what we learned – asking Lexi if she’d like to join us immediately isolated her. It became “her” vs. “we”. Despite our positive intentions, we made Lexi feel like an outsider or a guest. So, we changed our language to become more embracing. We started saying, “heads up, we’re going out to dinner tonight,” embracing her with casual, familiar language that helped the teen feel like she was part of the family. You see, tweaking wording may not feel like an essential, but considering the nuances… this nonessential mindset made all the difference for Lexi.

2. Mind the Optics

Years after Lexi lived with us, we opened our spare room to Lotus. If you’ve read my book, you’ll know this teen was the daughter of a prostitute and her pimp. Lotus grew up sharing a dirty, horrifying room with her mother in the brothel. Despite her challenged upbringing, she really loved school and poured her heart into her studies. This often meant that Lotus arrived late to group events, because she attended buxiban or extra tutoring sessions after school.

I remember one day Lotus met us as a restaurant, and we had already begun eating with some friends when she arrived. I had neglected to leave a chair open for her, thinking we’d just squeeze one in when she got there. But then I noticed the teenager’s face. Her cheeks reddened and she shifted uncomfortably as she looked around, wondering where to sit. That’s when I realized that another nonessential, the optics, are so important. Leaving an open seat for Lotus signaled a warm welcome and demonstrated that we were waiting for her to join us.

Ever since that dinner, I take care to mind the optics. Do we need to make space for a wheelchair? Isn’t he left-handed? He’ll want to sit at the end of the table. Doesn’t she struggle with her eyesight? Let’s ensure we leave her a space near the front of the room. The nonessential mindset helps everyone feel cared for and considers how to eliminate unnecessarily awkward moments.

3. Acknowledge Contribution

With the babies we cared for, we had to do everything for them! And sometimes, we adopted the same approach with older kids. Jaesin was our oldest spare room resident. And when he stayed with us, I was so focused on serving him, making sure he felt comfortable… that I neglected to realize he was, in return, trying to serve us!

One day, I opened the refrigerator and saw the most beautiful bowl of watermelon cubes with all the seeds carefully removed. Laini skipped into the room and seeing me holding the bowl, happily declared, “Mom, that’s mine! Jaesin cuts watermelon for me for my afternoon snack.” I glanced at my little girl’s glowing face and saw how this gesture made her feel so loved.

That evening, I acknowledged Jaesin’s contribution over dinner. And I will never forget his response. He said: “I don’t know how else to help out, so I make watermelon salad for Laini.” Friends, people want to contribute, and they appreciate recognition for their contributions. That’s why an important nonessential is to consider how we might create the context for others’ contribution and then ensure we recognize and appreciate their input.

What are your nonessentials?

The three nonessentials I touched on were: 1) Embracing with language, 2) Minding the optics, and 3) Acknowledging contribution. I’d love to hear about any nonessentials that you’ve found important and uplifting to others!

Click here to watch the full TEDx talk on “The Nonessentials“

Check out my first TEDx talk on “The Spare Room“

Or view my third TEDx talk here: “On Killing Chickens”

The post My Fourth TEDx Talk: The Nonessentials appeared first on Social Legacy.

Our family goes somewhere new to explore the beauty of the place. Also, we do more than live the tourist life. We meet locals and invest in the community alongside them. So far, we have enjoyed adventures in Kunming, Vietnam, and Honduras.

Recently, because dad is working in Shanghai, Laini and I took a quick trip to Utila. She had just fractured her ankle, but doc approved the trip as long as we were careful with crutches and boot. This trip exceeded all our expectations! Because we had planned to volunteer at Jaspers Utila Animal Shelter (the story is featured in Chapter 4 of The Spare Room book). We enjoyed our reunion and meeting Alison’s new hubby. And the shelter continues to expand!

Then, we heard about the baby sea turtles.

291 babies had been hatched and protected, and were ready to make their way into the ocean! What an amazing thing, watching these tiny little guys make their way to water. We also learned about the special ones – the last batch of babies hadn’t managed to hatch on their own, and needed a little help. That’s why they were kept separate and released at the very end, with extra loving care.

We didn’t think it could get much better after the baby sea turtles!

And then, we met Ms. Terry.

This amazing woman is a force of nature! She collected a group of island kids, and together, we bought and delivered food to the elderly.

Investing in the community was really rewarding and watching the kids get to know each other was also great fun (despite the language barrier!) In fact, we ended up spending the rest of the day with those kids on a banana boat. What a wonderful day!

All this squeezed into a few days with a broken ankle. I’ll end with snaps of one evening as the girls sat quietly, watching the sun go down.

Oh, and a HUGE shoutout to Utila Chocolate Company! Lejourn is an amazing human and we LOVED getting to know him, while enjoying all sorts of coffee and chocolate. Dreamy.

For more on our GGAs, check out our trip to InterContinental Wonderland.

For more on thoughts about family experiences, check out this post on family rituals and this one about identifying your family’s social legacy.

The post We love service holidays! appeared first on Social Legacy.