OK, that sounds extreme.

But is it? When I default to platitudes, I’m not acknowledging your experience. Rather, I’m soothing my own discomfort with the situation. Today, I overheard someone flippantly declare, “Oh c’mon, you know it’ll be fine.” Then, I watched his friend just shut down. The forced positivity left her no room. No room for her to ask, “but what if it isn’t?” Or… “how do you know?”

See, once we make a statement of forced positivity, the other party requires tremendous courage to keep the conversation going and reveal even deeper vulnerability. That’s why communication often comes to a halt.

So, next time forced begins bubbling to the surface, pause. Ask yourself, “how might I recognize their reality and help them feel seen in the moment?” 

Here are some alternatives to forced positivity:

• “What can I do to support you?”
• “Can I check up on you next week?”
• Send a follow up note or small token. “I was thinking about what you’re going through, just know I’m here.”

Rather than closing the conversation; these options leave room for ongoing dialogue. And that’s valuable because even if we may not know what help looks like right now, knowing someone is there to help whenever we do, can make all the difference.

For a related article, check out Check your state of heart

I also posted a quick vid about this, check it out on Instagram or Facebook.

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OK, I get it. This is awkward.

I posted a little video on Instagram which… yep. We go there.

Menopause isn’t a fun subject. To discuss middle age, we must face the fact that we are… aging. Yikes. We also have to say words like vagina. And isn’t the phrase, “night sweats” just creepy? Yep, straight out of a horror film. Not to mention, how can this even be a reality when I’m in my 40’s or even mid-30’s?!

We know what to expect when we start our period… we should also know what to expect when it ends.

The Mayo Clinic defines perimenopause as “the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.” It seems we each enter perimenopause at a different age; I was 46 but some women notice changes as early as in their mid-30’s.

How did I know this was happening? I could feel something was different with my body, and proactively set up an appointment with my doctor. But I recognize that I have the luxury of booking an ad-hoc doctor’s appointment and have a cool doc who was willing to talk it through. If you aren’t in the same position, here’s what I learned:

• In perimenopause, your estrogen is fluctuation. This means your cycle may become unpredictable.
• You may experience menopause-like symptoms like hot flashes or sleep problems (check, check).
• Settle in – this lasts a while. Cleveland Clinic suggests average duration is four years. Medically, you don’t exit peri and go full into menopause until you’ve gone 12 full months without a period.

Let’s help each other out.

By talking about our own experiences, we create space for others to do the same. Personally, I suddenly gained weight in my midsection (Hello, totally different body shape!) but didn’t experience many of the other symptoms. And when I shared this with a friend, she mentioned recent mood swings, then decided to go see her doctor. You see? Sometimes, we just need a nudge. Because as women, we can be known to put our own health last. We care for everyone else and grit our teeth as we “power through,” writing off discomfort and ignoring potentially concerning symptoms.

So this World Menopause Day, go get your health checked. Or reach out to someone you know is going through physical changes and send some love. Because our bodies are the greatest equalizer, aren’t they? We’re all human and we all go through it. May as well do it together, helping each other out, and drinking lots of wine along the way.

For related articles:

• When women become gold
• The intriguing concept of Skin Hunger
• Don’t run away from hard things

Photo credit for menopause wordcloud, glass sold on Amazon

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Some of my very first co-workers are still my friends to this day, like Dan… We worked together on Pantene in the early 2000’s, and reunited in 2019 when we were both living in Seattle. Man, I’d love the chance to work with this intelligent, passionate man again! 

Vivienne was my supervisor as I took on leadership of our APA group at P&G… and today, she’s the godmother to my child. I’m deeply grateful to both her and her husband for two decades of mentorship, care and love. They are examples of leaders turned not just friends, but family.

Lin first worked for me at Apple, and later came to join IHG as our VP marketing. Eventually, as I left the company, she took on the CMO role. Along the way, we became dear friends who shopped together, travelled together, and who would take a bullet for one another.

I first met Shu at Starbucks when she was leading social media for our marketing team. Right off the bat, I was so impressed by her sharp intelligence, warm engagement and confidence. A little while later, it was my great pleasure to hire her into McCann as our General Manager and more recently, promote her to Managing Director. I think of her not just as friend, but as my friend and sister. 

Today, McCann employs loads of experienced creative leaders with amazing agency experience. You know, when I first joined the company, I had never even met our China CFO, but am pretty sure he and I will be friends for life. Now, coming on two years into the role, I’m thrilled that our leadership team is fully staffed – yes, with many old and new friends. Even more fulfilling, is watching new bonds of friendship develop between these amazing people.

Now, should we always expect friendships to develop at work?

Definitely not. These are precious opportunities that sometimes hit the beautiful trifecta of company culture + roles and responsibilities + personal connection. In fact, I can think of many productive relationships that wouldn’t be classified as friendships, but grounded in mutual respect. Because I guess we all recognize that some friends are better off not working together, and sometimes, co-workers share a great professional relationship without crossing that line into personal space.

So should you hire your friends? Is there a downside to working with friends?

Personally, I don’t see it. If we’re friends and have previous experience working together, we’re starting with a solid foundation of trust. Each knows how the other operates and strong lines of communication have already been established. Of course, we will get into debates and of course, we won’t always agree. But in these cases, I find that our history provides an advantage, not a disadvantage.

What do you guys think? What are your concerns, and do you have any stories to share?

The post Should you hire your friends? appeared first on Social Legacy.

I remember my earlier days in P&G doing monthly business reviews – one particular boss was known for declaring, “Hope is not a building block!” Perhaps hope is perceived to be an unrealistic, overly optimistic concept, not grounded in data or reality.

In fact, it almost feels unprofessional to reference hope in the context of business. And yet…

The workplace is filled with humans…

… and how would humans feel without any hope? Hope that we can rise to the occasion and be successful in this job. Hope that the marketplace will improve. Or hope that our boss will see our efforts and contributions.

Once we consider what a hopeless workplace might look and feel like, we stumble upon the important reality: 

We cannot live without hope in the workplace.

This last year, I watched someone struggle to adapt to a new industry, new pace of work, and new people. I watched as he struggled with whether he believed in himself. Whether he had hope for himself in this job. And I realized that no matter how much his peers or even his boss believed in him, if he lacked hope or didn’t believe in himself, it would be impossible to thrive in the workplace.

I also experienced the troubling sadness of watching someone who looked to her boss with initial hope, but whose light dimmed with each disappointing day. Ultimately, a high flyer found herself trudging dejectedly into work, her joy diminishing as her hope for her boss to support and lead, evaporated.

Is someone in your workplace struggling, or worse, stuck in a vicious cycle? Perhaps they’ve lost hope. 

Here are three simple questions to bring hope back into the workplace:

1. Can I buy you a coffee this week? Don’t settle for a superficial “How are you doing?” Rather, show that you really want to hear what’s going on.
2. What’s your biggest challenge right now? Don’t assume they’re struggling, but seek to understand their pain points.
3. How can I serve you?  Not “how can I help you”… because maybe they don’t need (or feel ready to accept) help.

In fact, I challenge you to make this part of your New Year intention. As you head into this new week, identify someone who looks like they could use a little hope, and offer a little light. If you feel that person is you, reach out to someone you trust. Or leave me a note below – I’d love to have a virtual coffee with you.

Photo credit: hopeful mug

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This group made up (most of) the Pantene team. These incredible women were patient as I learned the language, culture, and ways of working here at P&G, China. They brought joy, insight and laughter to the workplace and together, we created much mischief (and some pretty good business results)!

Reuniting last week was such a highlight! My husband got hugs all around too, because even back then, we integrated work and life. So, how did our team become so close-knit, remaining friends for 1.5 decades and counting?

• We accepted each other. We saw each other’s faults but chose not to dwell. And we identified each other’s strengths, which we did our best to enhance.
• We shared experiences, traveling together, carving out the time to consumer homes and retailers as a group. Sometimes, it’s the work-related learning that bonds us;  more often, it’s the human time – sitting at the airport when the flight is delayed, or sharing a late dinner at the hotel. Utterly priceless.
• We made time and space for fun. And no one takes themselves too seriously. Last week we remembered silly pranks and laughed at my many cultural mishaps. This is more important than you might think! Click here for five elements of a fun workplace.

When we’re at our best, these things are not only true for our work teams, but with everyone in our lives! In China, we have the benefit of drivers and housekeepers. These precious people, too, become a part of our family.

While we were in Guangzhou last week, we also reunited with Mr. Fang, our very first driver from 2003.

Fifteen years ago, we had the privilege of naming his son, who’s now a 16 year old studying drone tech! Our cherished relationship with Mr. Fang is so special with us. We love him and consider him part of our family, same as Xiao Xie, our housekeeper of 7 years. Remember when she invited us to her home in Jinggangshan?

Going back to the Pantene dinner, I was thrilled that my daughter joined our dinner and observed a group of adults laugh until we cried, so deeply enjoying each other’s company as we reminisced and joked with one another. 

I hope Laini reflects on the admiration, respect and love, which was on display. I hope she understands that work relationships can become so much more. And that working together can create meaningful connections that last a lifetime.

Either way, she’ll have this photo, since she stood in for Summer, who wasn’t there! 

The post My Pantene team, today and 15 years ago! appeared first on Social Legacy.

1. I can do hard things. This pose does not look like something normal people can do. It defies gravity. Yet, eventually with practice and commitment, I was finally able to pop into crow pose while on our #mobilebiosphere trip!) Now, I can hold it for three, full breaths when Erin Sampson says to.
2. I benefit from being still. I used to get annoyed at the beginning of a practice when we sat with eyes closed and breathed deeply. My inner voice would protest with juvenile defiance, “I know how to breathe… let’s get on with it already!” But over time, I realized that there is a benefit to being still. And that I am far too infrequently still. As my friend Stacy reminds me, being still feeds my soul.

3. It’s good to keep the muscles guessing. Instead of straining the joints with HIT and other strenuous activities day after day, varying the pace and scope of my workout made my exercise my effective.

This is entirely applicable in the workplace, too.

1. We can do hard things.
2. We benefit from being still.
3. And we become more effective when we flex our pace.

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The idea is this: we have to define our own success metrics for life, considering our own unique combination of who we are, what our family needs, and the context in which we thrive. 

This requires self-reflection to know ourselves well. It also takes honesty and objectivity, to not fall back on the “standard” metrics society has taught us to value. And it takes courage to pursue, to stand for, and to live every day. 

Assessing our lives through the lens of another, even when we meet or exceed those objectives, may leave us feeling empty and unfulfilled. Rather, defining what success looks like for each of us, then living intentionally against that definition, can lead us to a life of meaning, fulfillment, and purpose. 

The post Don’t live by someone else’s success metric. appeared first on Social Legacy.

Suddenly inspired by the discovery of these awesome Posca fabric paint markers, we raced to find some vintage demin and got to work creating our own “Wren & Glory-inspired” jackets.

For hours, we nibbled on snacks, jammed with LP on Spotify, and painted. We also had the BEST conversation. This very special day was an excellent reminder that oftentimes, it’s during the side-by-side moments when real conversation surfaces.

I KNOW this as a mom: facing my daughter and asking how her day was, will yield one, dependable response: “fine.”

I also know this as a manager: asking my teammates how things are going when sitting on two opposite sides of a table generally draws, one response: “fine.”

We need to shift out of the face-to-face. Finding and creating side-by-side moments is always worth the extra time and consideration. Because when we’re engaged in a task, it’s easier for the defenses to come down. Unpaid compliments come to surface, and layers begin to peel back revealing the real people within.

And you might just walk away with a wicked cool jacket.

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