Someone recently commented that I seemed particularly resilient. She asked, “Were you born this way?” I don’t think we’re born resilient…in fact, rather the opposite. We are born malleable, entering the world with softness, easily dented… even bruised. So, if this is the case, how might we develop a sense of resilience under the pressures and trials that life brings? I think these are the 3 keys to becoming unbreakable.
1. AGILITY – Let’s consider how we might bend, not break. By doing so, we can cultivate agility in our responses to all that life throws at us. Consider the bamboo plant – its tensile strength is stronger than oak and even steel!* Yet, bamboo can bend so far that its tips touch the earth. Like the bamboo plant, we can learn to yield to pressure, enabling some give against stressful forces. Then as the pressure lifts, we flex and stand back up, stronger than before.
2. SELF-AWARENESS – We must know ourselves, otherwise we risk bending so far, we are unable to recover our original shape. You see, self awareness helps us avoid yielding so much that we lose too much of ourselves.
3. SUPPORT SYSTEM – Self awareness is important, but any of us can lose our center of balance. This is where a support system comes in. Strong, loving hands which know and value you, can help retain your sense of self. They come alongside and wrap around you, bolstering and supporting you. A support system can help you bounce back as you borrow from their strength.
Now back to the question, “Was I born this way?”
Absolutely not. Here’s how I became more unbreakable… and still learning every day.
- AGILITY – I like stretching the edges of comfort because the more I become comfortable with discomfort, the more I find I’m able to bounce back to my center of gravity. In fact, I delivered a TEDx talk about just this topic (TEDx on Killing chickens). Whether it was embarking on a 24-hour survival course, trying out kite surfing, or changing industries throughout my career, these intentional stretches have helped me develop resilience.
- SELF-AWARENESS – I’m a pretty straightforward person and used to approach circumstances with a black and white mindset. Over time, friend, mentors, and self-reflection have helped me develop a deeper sense of self-awareness. In fact, I look back on my former self and realize how much I lacked a nuanced view of myself and the world around me. Because here’s the thing – life is a journey and we are continually developing a deeper understanding of who we are.
- SUPPORT SYSTEM – Here’s where I feel inordinately blessed. Despite all my failings, life has introduced the most incredible, loving, considerate humans who lift me up. They build into me, love and advise me, gently pointing out my inconsistencies and shortcomings. Friends, don’t run from or shut out the people who sharpen you. Because that generous energy produces friction, which becomes the source of our growth and the seed of resilience.
In conclusion, in an effort to become unbreakable, practice agility with an intentional focus on building a deeper awareness of self. Identify and engage your support system (and thank them for all they do for you!)
For related articles, check out:
- How resilience helps manage our energy
- The three traits I look for when hiring (spoiler alert: resilience is one!)
*Bamboo has an average tensile strength of about 1,400 pounds per square inch (psi), but can reach up to 28,000 psi, which is stronger than oak and maple. This is also stronger than steel, which has a tensile strength of 23,000 psi (Source)
All images made with Dalle 3