Sure, it’s important to be in the right state of mind when approaching a new challenge or tackling a particularly hairy problem. Mentally, intelligence and wisdom can take us a long way. But if our state of heart isn’t right, we’ll find ourselves struggling every step of the way.

So, how do we get our state of heart in a good place?

1. Build your confidence. Courage isn’t taking action in the absence of fear, rather it’s moving forward despite the fear. Therefore, an understanding of our capabilities can serve as an anchor for our self-belief. You see, fear can compel us to shrink inward, to make ourselves small. Check this out: imagine yourself as a balloon. When you diminish yourself, you may look something like this:

But when you start testing the edges of your boundaries… stretching yourself to see what’s possible, you expand. You get all big and shiny and beautiful! 

So try something new and build new capabilities. Allow your confidence to grow as you begin doing the things you thought you couldn’t. This will be wonderful for your state of heart.

2. Recognize what feeds your spirit. Then, make sure you get enough of that on a regular basis. Because we may be great at some things, and perhaps those things have afforded us a comfortable salary and lifestyle. But that doesn’t mean we enjoy those activities. So, what do you love doing?  Lean into something meaningful that speaks to you on an emotional level. 

Maybe it IS work- hallelujah! Or maybe a tweak or expansion of your job scope can get you there. For others, work is perfectly fine, but the thing that feeds your spirit resides elsewhere. That’s also all right. If you develop the sensitivity to hear and trust where your heart is being pulled, lean in. Your heart will thank you.

3. Find your tribe. I feel tremendously blessed that my husband, daughter and I share such a rich, loving relationships. Truly, I don’t take this for granted! They’re my tribe. Whatever the challenge, I dive in with a solid state of heart because I know they’re with me.

Indoor skydiving!

In fact, the importance of tribe is in part, why I feel so strongly about uncovering your social legacy. Because if you identify your own unique contribution against the issue or opportunity that most speaks to you… and you then find others who feel exactly the same… how incredibly powerful will your tribe be?!

What is your state of heart?

If you’re not feeling great about it, invest time to: 1) build your confidence, 2) identify that which feeds your soul, and 3) surround yourself with your tribe. 

Thanks to Maria Bailey for the discussion that inspired this on your Ordinary Habits, Extraordinary Life podcast. To listen to our full conversation, click here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-20-living-inside-your-social-legacy-with-best/id1491986795?i=1000529493548

Deflated balloon, bright yellow balloon, smiling heart

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As I interviewed Jessica Gleeson for the P&G Alumni podcast, she commented on the responsibility of a person working in two cultures. As an American running a business in China, she sees her role as bridging understanding and connecting people… and I couldn’t agree more!

Whether it’s bridging China and US, client and agency, diversity of background or thought, every leader owns helping our people (and ourselves) continue to evolve from weird to wonder.

Getting from Singular to Supported

Jess also spoke about the difference between mentorship and sponsorship, an important distinction. Mentors invests in us – they help us figure out who we want to be and where we want to go. We can share without filter because mentors listen and help us sift through the clutter. They help us develop skills to become the leaders we aspire to be. So, it’s super important to find a mentor who you can trust completely and who has your best interests at heart.

On the other hand, sponsors help us move into our next roles, they advocate for us. Sponsors talk about us when we’re not in the room and show up for us even if we aren’t in the room. We must be equally intentional about finding a sponsor; they must be in a position to help you. As well, a sponsor should be willing to speak up on your behalf, which means they need to have enough visibility to your work in order to speak meaningfully about it.

So, let’s get from Weird to Wonder and from being Singular to Supported!

To listen to the full podcast, click here and check out this page for all my podcasts (as host and guest!)

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Goodness comes from weak ties.

Tiny interactions that can be forgotten almost as quickly as they happened, have far more impact that we might think! Professionally, Granovetter observed them bridging networks, people and information. Socially, I see two priceless benefits:

1. Weak ties connect people who share less in common. While strong ties are developed through meaningful commonalities in values or demographics, weak ties connect folks from different social circles. This broadens our world view, helping us see and understand perspectives different from our own.
2. Those diverse connections are nourishing, and in fact, are part of why it’s so much fun to go to work. They enable us to feel connected to a vibrant, interesting community. At VML, we recently remodeled our Playa Vista office to become more of a WPP campus, which has created more buzz and excitement than ever before!

In discussing this concept with my friend Alex Lubar recently, he beautifully called them “fleeting engagements” and helped me crystallize my POV. Thanks, friend!

Does that mean strong ties are bad?

Absolutely not! Strong ties are the ones we lean on in crisis, the trusted voices we go to for advice in life’s most stretching moments. They are valued, close relationships, often forged over years of shared experience.

Yet, it’s helpful to be aware that networks of strong ties can also be limiting. We may see the world through a biased view, reinforced by the similar voices around us. You see, there is the dangerous tendency to seek out people and information that affirm our existing beliefs, and strong ties can serve this purpose.

On the other hand, a larger, more diverse social network is more likely to serve up opposing views, challenging our belief system and encouraging more critical thinking.

StanfordReport says it well: “The more homophilic a society is, the greater the resulting inequality and lack of social mobility can be.”

How to nurture those tiny interactions.

So, you’re thinking you want to diversify your interactions. Perhaps you seek a more heterogenous community, or are experiencing loneliness. How do you get started?

1. Initiate a new routine. I have two dogs and walk the same routes every day – so I see the same neighbors every day. But last weekend, I started winding new roads and met some interesting new people. So try taking a different route in your daily travels. By the way, if you don’t have dogs, consider rescuing one – they bring so much joy to the home and also serve as the perfect social lubricant!
2. Settle down in a public space. Last week, my dogs resisted going back into the house after a walk, so I sat on my front lawn. I met loads of neighbors and plan to sit out front more often! Maybe you don’t have a lawn – settle in at a local coffee shop with a book and extra-large latte.
3. Pack up and give away leftovers. I’ve gotten to know some lovely people this way. It costs nothing to ask a restaurant to box up leftovers, and feels great when we can open the car window and give it to someone who could use it.
4. Volunteer. Noticeboards in your coffee shop, library or grocery store often seek volunteers for local events. What a great way to contribute and meet people in your community!
5. Smile. A Travelodge survey showed that nearly half of those surveyed have become kinder post-COVID, and 42% of adults stated that that when a stranger does something nice unexpectedly, it makes their day extra special. In fact, random acts of kindness are contagious, so catalyze a movement today and discover the power of tiny interactions this week!

For related articles, check out:

• How Kitti Murphy built a diverse community around coffee @RefugeCoffee
• Developing a social legacy in the workplace
• The importance of psychological safety

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1. Find a Chinese mentor

Over dinner, Jimmy Qian inspired me with his intelligent questions about what it was like working in China. He’s an ABC (American-Born Chinese) who’s bi-lingual… increasingly rare these days! And as we spoke, it struck me to introduce him to a Chinese-based mentor. This seemed to be a practical way to build mutual understanding and respect.

Then it occurred to me, we should each have a Chinese mentor! According to Pew Research, U.S. views of China are at an all-time low. To me, this is a shame because there’s so much I believe each country can learn from the other.

2. I still need a mentor.

Bill Imada and I shared the stage for a panel about mentorship and as we chatted, I realized… I still need a mentor. I’ve just asked someone at work to mentor me; and it became clear that I could use a mentor to help me with the development of “The Spare Room” film project.

You see, we never stop learning, and our ability to continue evolving is in direct proportion to how proactive we are in our pursuit of knowledge. I’m going to ask Bill to mentor me, using the advice I shared on stage. That is to be: 1) Intentional – yep he’s the one and I can communicate why, 2) Clear – here’s what I hope to learn and what I hope to contribute, 3) Specific – how frequently I’d like to meet, for how long.

He’s SUCH a joy and our chemistry reminded me of the “Sizzles & Pops” I wrote about here 😄

3. Learn from young people

Doris Guan reached out to me with some questions, but I walked away with the richer learning. As we spoke, I commented on that fact that she’d written her Chinese name on her lanyard. The young woman immediately responded with passion: “We declare our English names, and even our pronouns… why shouldn’t we proudly proclaim our Chinese identity, too?”

Wow.

She went on to describe how she noticed people of different ethnicities speaking their native tongues with pride. But it seemed Chinese people often stick to English, even when conversing among ourselves. That’s why Doris has made it an intentional decision to always write her Chinese name next to her English name and it’s inspired me to do the same.

We’re only halfway through the month and AANHPI Heritage Month has already inspired new thought and action in me. This captures 3 things I’ve learned this AANHPI Heritage Month… What have you been learning?

If you enjoyed this post, check out:

• How are you telling the story of your life?
• The Chinese word for ‘creativity’
• From my NYU TEDx talk, Be brave in your learning!

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What are co-journeyers?

In life, we naturally seek out our tribe… our people. But co-journeyers often aren’t are tribe! You see, while we may seek out those we’re most comfortable with (e.g. those most like us) for shared experiences like road trips, life can sometimes introduce unexpected co-journeyers.

It’s true, traveling or sharing life with those who aren’t like us can be uncomfortable. Maybe because we don’t share common life views or sometimes, even a common vocabulary. But we often learn more from those who are different than us! There’s great value to finding both our tribe and our co-journeyers.

While we will certainly encounter moments of friction that challenge us, we can remember that challenge promotes growth. Because if we avoided anyone outside our tribe, life would come with less friction, but also less stretch.

Here’s what I’ve learned from some of my co-journeyers:

1. Tim and Hannah live with us and they have such an easy flow to their lives. Their studio exudes utmost calm as the lovely scent of patchouli wafts across our shared garden. I (sometimes enviably) notice how our dogs simply relax around them, and all living things seems to breathe easier. Including me. While I know my passion and energy are part of who I am, being around my co-journeyers has introduced a new, softer balance to my life. Thank you, my loves.

2. The Moursi’s. Laini and Libby became friends freshman year, so our families quickly became co-journeyers in LA… and now on college tours. While the mom’s share a love of whiskey and comedy, we’re also quite different. Molly is a history buff and thanks to her, we experienced parts of Boston I would have overlooked. Her joy is contagious and our family is certainly better for co-journeying with the Moursi clan.

And I’m so grateful for my tribe.

The ones who ‘get me’. We share similar passions and life philosophy, humor, a sense of adventure, and even industry. Sitting here writing this post, I’m feeling a bit emotional, suffused with deep gratitude for a life filled with true friends, loving family and abiding joy.

Challenge for the week:

This week, identify an unlikely co-journeyer. Maybe it’s a neighbor, a co-worker, or even someone you see regularly at the coffeeshop or school drop off… this is someone who keeps popping up in unexpected ways. Grab a coffee and create a shared experience together.

For related articles, check out:

• Our Tribe and our Village
• Pilgrims don’t travel alone
• For teens interested in an amazing adventure, check out Laini’s MyShanghai trip (June 23-30, 2024)!

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Competency

I read a great book, An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth, written by Colonel Chris Hadfield who’s spent decades training as an astronaut and has logged nearly 4000 hours in space. What’s the most important trait of an astronaut, who’s orbiting the earth at 400km an hour? Well, it’s someone who’s trained and studied so much, they can be relied on to solve unexpected, life-threatening problems with calm thoughtfulness. They’re competent.

But perhaps you feel competence lacks sex appeal. After all, has anyone gotten promoted for being merely competent? Well, Merrium-Webster defines competence as “the quality or state of having sufficient knowledge, judgment, skill, or strength.” So… yes. I think competence is very sexy and in fact, is the foundation of a person who’s promotion-ready.

Side note: Who’s Ayrton Senna da Silva? A badass Brazilian racing driver who won the Formula One World Drivers’ Championship 3x, won the World Championship, and 41 Grands Prix.

Consistency

A leader who operates consistently, enables the team to relax and focus on high leverage activity. That’s because people know what to expect, which means they’re not wasting precious energy guessing what’s coming next. You see, consistency builds a culture of trust and sets clear expectations. As part of those expectations, folks are clear on their degrees of freedom, which then builds a culture of accountability.

Now let’s take it up a notch: when the entire team operates with consistency, everyone’s confidence grows. A deep sense of safety is instilled, which enables people to put energy against productivity.

So, how do we get more consistent? A great Medium article describes it as “deliberate, repetitive actions that collectively forge a pathway to accomplishment.” This is cool: as we repeat behaviors, our neural pathways become more deeply ingrained, which rewires our thought patterns and future behaviors.

Care

OMG YES. We have to care about our people. I think good leaders stay awake at night worrying about their people and wake up ideating ways to help their people feel recognized and seen. Damn straight it’s personal. In fact, I’d say meaningful work relationships are downright intimate. Because, how else will we know that they have a sick parent at home or what truly motivates them?

Every person is created differently, but we all deeply desire to feel understood… seen… valued. Oh, you say you do value them? Well, do your people know you value them? How might you make that abundantly clear? Here are a few of my own practices:

1. Whenever I stay at a hotel, I use the stationary to hand-write a note to someone who’s making a difference. A small practice that takes little time but actually uses hotel stationary! and helps someone feel unexpectedly appreciated.
2. Every holiday, I select gifts and write thank you cards for my leaders’ families. That’s right – not for them, but for their spouses and kids. This is a way to say ‘thank you’ for all the time their loved one dedicates to work. It’s something I learned from my former boss, Kenneth MacPherson.
3. WAT or “Walking around time” that’s booked in my calendar. This is time set aside to just walk and talk with folks. It’s important because if we don’t intentionally set the time aside, it gets gobbled up by meetings and we may never set foot outside the office! BTW some of the best personal conversations happen during WAT.

For related articles, check out:

• Should you hire your friends?
• 4 mistakes new leaders make in a new job
• For a bunch of my podcasts on leadership, check out this page

The post 3 most underrated leadership traits appeared first on Social Legacy.

1. Water reflects the beauty around it.

When water is transparently clean, it reflects the beauty around it. It doubles the visual impact of everything we see. In the same way, if we are openly transparent and outward-facing, we as humans can reflect the beauty in the world around us. Having spent a lot of time in airports, I’ve witnessed this phenomenon time and again.

Grumpy, inward-looking souls stand in line after line, staring at their phones or tapping their feet impatiently. But one kind gesture, one warm or funny word and suddenly, eyes look up. Eyes crinkle and mouths upturn. The energy around us changes immediately. Suddenly, we’re co-travelers sharing an experience, sharing travel stories and helping each other with luggage. It only takes one person to catalyze this beautiful effect, because we, like water, have the power to reflect the beauty around us.

How do you reflect the beauty around you?

2. Water presents different kinds of power

Have you experienced the nonstop, thundering crash of a waterfall? If so, you know first-hand how awe-inspiring a waterfall can be!! Its power can be harnessed to create electricity and over time, water can carve beautiful passages through stone.

On the other hand, the endless expanse of the sea represents a different kind of power. It covers over 70% of the earth’s surface, operating as a cross-planet conveyer belt and regulating our global climate.

What kind of power do you project? Do you bring the focused power of a waterfall, or are you more expansive like the ocean?

3. Water can also be delightfully playful

In pausing to appreciate an effervescent brook or the fanciful dance of water fountains, I’m reminded that this force of nature can also be delicate, uplifting, and fun. I think it can serve as a reminder to not take ourselves too seriously.

Do you pause to enjoy the moment, sometimes feeling free enough to burble and dance with abandon?

For other articles inspired by nature, check out:

• The captivating Crown Shyness of trees
• How biophilia helps destress

All photos from unsplash.com

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What’s a sugar cookie? 

In the marines, being a sugar cookie means you get yourself wet and then roll around in the sand until you’re absolutely covered in it… letting the sand get in your eyes, your underwear, between the toes. It smells terrible and irritates your skin for the rest of the day. WHY would someone ever make you be a sugar cookie?

Often implemented as punishment, the sugar cookie treatment also taught marines to get comfortable with being uncomfortable… or at least accustomed it (not sure this could ever be comfortable!) Pushing through the discomfort of learning a new skill, driving change, or assuming a new role, ultimately gets us to the other side where we get settled and eventually thrive! I totally relate to this and in fact, my second TEDx talk was about just this, titled “On Killing Chickens.“

What’s a strawberry?

In China, the strawberry generation refers to those born after 1990, perceived to bruise easily. They’re sweet and tender, but don’t do well under pressure. Interestingly, The Taiwan News credits the lack of war and political persecution for raising a “softer” generation. Quite the generalization. But it raises the question: do we get soft, or take things for granted in times of comfort and surplus? To the point where we may even wear it as a badge of pride?

Maybe there is something to the sugar cookie, after all.

Strawberry tribe tshirt photo

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I guess if we’re not willing to suffer for something, we may not be truly passionate about it.

What are you passionate about? 

And what inspires your compassion? 

Because if passion is about suffering, com-passion is “suffering with.” Compassion doesn’t just observe.. compassion gets involved. 

The photo in this article is of our most recent spare room kid; Wayne is a sweet boy born with hydrocephalus. He’s the CUTEST!

One night, Laini found me crying outside his room after I put him to bed. When she asked what was wrong, I couldn’t find the words to express what had moved me so deeply. Looking back, I think it was compassion. I was suffering with the little guy. And I realized that suffering with him was a privilege for me; it has deepened my empathy, strengthened my love, and made me a better person. 

What stirs your compassion?

For more about Wayne and how he inspired unconventional leadership, check out this podcast.

Check out how Wayne inspired me to create (and research!) adaptive clothing here. BTW some great adaptive clothing can be found at Patti + Ricky (an adaptive fashion marketplace for adults and kids with disabilities or chronic conditions) and Cat & Jack (yes, Target!)

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You see, crafting routine enables me to be my best self.

It’s all about letting conscious choices guide me, and intentionally allowing temporary, fleeting things to fall to the wayside. For instance, I start my daily routine with 15 minutes of meditation. Then glancing at my calendar, I set goals for what I want to get accomplished that day. All this before I check emails/texts so that I’m leaning into the day on my front foot.

Routine is also good for my physical health.

I’ve identified which days I intermittently fast and which days I exercise. It’s all noted in the calendar. Sounds anal and maybe a bit boring, right? Yet, crafting that routine enables my body to be at its best.

By the way, I’ve recently gained a few pounds and gotten imbalanced. That’s because I lost my routine! When my daughter went to Spain for the summer, I traveled more and lost my rhythm. Still trying to get it back now 😐

Last, routine enables us to experience more joy!

It’s true – I believe that maintaining consistency in our habits enables us to experience a more steady joy. That’s because we don’t find ourselves oscillating from one moment of temporary happiness to sudden dips of stress. Perhaps you know just what I’m referencing. That feeling of hurry-up-and-wait, where we never quite feel on top of our game. Rather, our day runs on an undercurrent of anxiety. “What am I missing?” “Did I forget something?”

In this way, crafting routine is like mapping out flow. We’re laying the groundwork for our own energy flow.

So craft your routine today.

So go ahead and craft your routine. Be present in the moment. And remember, the more we train our mind and body in consistency, the smoother we fall into flow.

For related articles:

• The power of emotional granularity – getting intentional and specific on how we feel
• Tangible tips to live with intention
• Sizzles and pops – the power of the subconscious

Photo credit

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