1. Be specific.

When seeking a mentor, show you’ve done your homework on the person.

• Why did you approach this person?
• What are they excellent at, from which you seek to learn?
• How have you been struggling, and why do you seek mentorship now?
• In what ways do you believe this mentor can add value, and what perspective might you offer them in return?

The generic requests, “Will you mentor me?” don’t land well because they don’t give the mentor an understanding of what you need and why you reached out. Further, the cold call requests are even more challenging. In fact, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with reaching out to someone you don’t know. But it’s even more important to be specific and explain why you’re reaching out to them, specifically.

2. Respect their time.

Mentors are busy and if someone agrees to meet with you, demonstrate respect for their time.

• Thank them for agreeing to meet you, and take the lead in scheduling, providing meeting invite with a functioning link.
• Set an agenda for the meeting, and ideally, send one out in advance or attach to the meeting invite.
• Take the lead in the call, setting expectations upfront and ensure you end the call on time.

These simple steps can ensure your mentor feels respected, knows what to expect, and understands how to add value.

I have benefitted greatly from mentors and love mentoring younger leaders! Now, these were the 2 mistakes mentees make from our panel discussion. I hope this helps you find a great mentor and develop a productive relationship. What are your tips for those seeking mentorship?

To hear Jessica’s excellent view of mentorship, listen to our P&G Alumni podcast episode here. And read about how mentors help us become Unbreakable here.

Fish cartoon from writerswrite.co.za and time image generated with Dall-e

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So, it’s really about social constructionism.

Social constructionism says that our sense of self is created through social interactions and cultural norms. It suggests that we view authenticity as a socially negotiated concept, rather than an inherent quality. Now, this may run counter to what you grew up believing – that your unique characteristics and how you behave are driven by internal factors. That’s because social constructionism states that environmental factors are what influence your behavior, and there’s no such thing as true authenticity.

Wait, is there science behind this?

I did a little reading and learned a few things.

1. Erving Goffman wrote the book, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. In it, he uses the metaphor of theater to describe social interactions and how they shape the way we see ourselves. He argues that we then invest in “impression management” to sway how others perceive us, maintaining a desired image by adapting our behavior. In short, he suggests that authenticity may simply be a performance that lines up with social expectations.
2. Dan McAdams is a professor at Northwestern University, developed the theory of narrative identity. This theory says that we construct a sense of self by creating and internalizing our life stories. And these narratives give us a sense of purpose, lending meaning to our lived experiences. In fact, how we narrate our life can be key to our well-being. Also, when we’re feeling out of sync, we can simply reshape our stories.

The key ideas are that:

• Knowledge is socially created: How we see the world is shaped by social interactions, vs. a definitive reality.
• Reality isn’t fixed: Rather, it’s constantly dynamic and changes through social interaction.

What do you think?

The above would suggest that authenticity is expressed by displaying our character as others would expect to see us. And maybe that’s true to some extent. But I stand by the idea that we maintain a deeper sense of self which isn’t only informed by those around us.

Humans are complex and while much of how we view ourselves is through the stories we tell, those self-narratives shape how we engage with others… which shapes who we become… and when represented consistently… can become our expression of authenticity. I learned a lot from my interesting conversation with Jon and the subsequent reading. Now, I conclude that authenticity is a complex thing. It’s the dynamic interplay between our internal sense of self, our narrative, and our social interactions.

The post There’s no such thing as authenticity?! appeared first on Social Legacy.

As I interviewed Jessica Gleeson for the P&G Alumni podcast, she commented on the responsibility of a person working in two cultures. As an American running a business in China, she sees her role as bridging understanding and connecting people… and I couldn’t agree more!

Whether it’s bridging China and US, client and agency, diversity of background or thought, every leader owns helping our people (and ourselves) continue to evolve from weird to wonder.

Getting from Singular to Supported

Jess also spoke about the difference between mentorship and sponsorship, an important distinction. Mentors invests in us – they help us figure out who we want to be and where we want to go. We can share without filter because mentors listen and help us sift through the clutter. They help us develop skills to become the leaders we aspire to be. So, it’s super important to find a mentor who you can trust completely and who has your best interests at heart.

On the other hand, sponsors help us move into our next roles, they advocate for us. Sponsors talk about us when we’re not in the room and show up for us even if we aren’t in the room. We must be equally intentional about finding a sponsor; they must be in a position to help you. As well, a sponsor should be willing to speak up on your behalf, which means they need to have enough visibility to your work in order to speak meaningfully about it.

So, let’s get from Weird to Wonder and from being Singular to Supported!

To listen to the full podcast, click here and check out this page for all my podcasts (as host and guest!)

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I’m reading a great book, “Bowling Alone,” written by Robert D. Putnam. Published back in 2000, its themes resonate today. In fact, I’ve recently been reflecting on the power of tiny interactions, so was captivated by his ideas. In the book, Putnam states that our lives are made more productive through the value of social times. On the flip side, he notes that as we are becoming increasingly disconnected, the fabric of our society is eroding. And that’s the importance of social capital.

What is Social Capital?

Social capital enables trust between people, which fuels economic growth, improves health and increases happiness. That’s because when we’re connected, we’re more likely to get involved in the community and support those in need. And these behaviors knit the fabric of society. So, if social bonds predict life satisfaction, the loss of social capital can negatively impact our quality of life.

You see, the networks of trust, reciprocity, and shared experiences bind us together. So when we shy away from social engagements, we may begin to view each other with distrust, sand narrow our focus to how the world benefits us. And with the advancement of technology, we are now able to live lives of contactless engagement and zero interaction… we are becoming increasing isolated.

Are you seeing social capital erode where you live, and if so, what do you observe?

Two Kinds of Social Capital.

Bonding Capital occurs among similar people (age, race, religion, etc.) while Bridging Capital involves the same activities among dissimilar people. Putnam notes that peaceful multi-ethnic societies require both types of social capital, and in fact, one strengthens the other. This totally makes sense to me, and provides vocabulary for what I’ve been referring to as Tribes and Villages.

I suspect we crave some degree of bonding capital and go after building those connections (left photo). But how many of us are intentionally investing in bridging capital, reaching out to connect with those dissimilar from us (right photo)? This takes more work and comes with more friction because we don’t share as many commonalities. But that’s exactly why bridging capital is so important – it grows us and deepens our sense of community.

Are you actively building both bonding and bridging capital in our lives and within our communities?

What can we do to increase social capital?

1. Find ways to connect with those you don’t know. We see familiar faces and share space with so many people we never speak to… I recently got one of these doormats as a fun way to connect with my delivery people.
2. Look up. I recently caught myself practicing Duolingo or scrolling on my phone as I walk the dogs. No more! I’m going to look around, enjoy the walk, and smile at every person I meet.
3. Sit on a bench: Do you have any parks or community spaces near you? I love these spaces and have started using them. Organize a picnic (my gorgeous cousin Cynthia inspired this with her birthday party last year) or just read a book.

Which one of these will you try out? Or do you have another idea to increase social capital in your life?

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Why needing comes from a place of scarcity.

When we feel the need for something, we’re trying to fill a perceived hole in what feels like a zero-sum game. It feels desperate, consuming… and often, lonely. You see, if I need something that someone else has, I must seize from them to benefit myself. Conversely, if someone else is doing well, I may feel that their success comes at my expense.

How do we operate when we perceive resources are scarce?

• We worry about and hoard what we have.
• Our hands hold onto things tightly, our posture clenched and rigid.
• Emotions become tethered to, and swing wildly when are perceived needs are filled.
• We focus on costs, think in transactions, and covet security.

How wanting can come from a place of abundance

Yep, it’s the total opposite! Instead of filling a perceived hole, we approach life with gratitude, creativity and cooperation. Instead of worrying about not getting our fair share of limited resources, we consider ways to innovate solutions and create more. We see endless opportunity as we want for ourselves, and for everyone!

How do we operate when we approach the world with an abundance mindset?

• We let our imaginations loose and dream about what we want.
• Outstretched hands reach out, our posture loose and open.
• Our emotions remain steady, because our want doesn’t come from a place of fear.
• We focus on investments, think about transformations, and pursue purpose.

This applies to every aspect of life and work.

In life – if you exist in the scarcity of need, you may feel overwhelmed with anxiety. The pressures of life can weigh you down, leaving you immobile. Or perhaps you need to feel loved and remain in a relationship that isn’t healthy or balanced.

But if you embrace the abundance of want, you start with gratitude. You recognize all that you have and calibrate what is enough… often, more than enough. Then, you design creative solutions that amplify – our family’s shared living solution is one example that brings us so much joy!

At work – if you operate with the scarcity of need, you might remain in a job that you don’t love. You may come to resent your boss or peers, or spiral in self-deprecation.

However, if you embrace the abundance of want, you appreciate what you can in your current role. Then, you consider ways to grow your influence and increase your impact. Perhaps you design a new role for yourself or begin looking outside as you want for more. For instance, wanting to write a book, my family supported a bold move to take a one-year sabbatical and do just that.

If you shift your Need to Want, you’ll find yourself:

• Worrying less and dreaming more,
• Holding things less tightly, and reaching out with open anticipation,
• Focused less on security and more on opportunity,
• Releasing a need for status and instead, pursuing contribution,
• Shifting your mindset from mandatories to multipliers,
• Reframing costs as investments,
• Dropping transactions and designing transformations,
• Evolving your approach from managing to leading,
• As your priorities become purpose.

For related articles, check out

• Find the fun and leave a legacy – that time I played community elf.
• The power of tiny interactions – and the abundance they bring!

Images made in my WPP Creative Studio

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“But I only have one skin”, you say.

Might it feel disingenuous to try on different skins? I mean, if I project myself differently, am I being inauthentic? Am I trying to be someone I’m not? Will others think I’m posing?

I don’t think so, and here’s why. We are complex beings, never static even when consistent. And that’s a good thing! Trying on different skins means we may lean a little more into one aspect of our personality… or bring to surface a different part of who we are. We may find that as we shift the way we project ourselves, we find an even more comfortable version of ourselves.

In fact, trying on different skins enables us to evolve to our best self.

With each job or role, we learn something about ourselves. I remember my early days at P&G, when I was a young graduate with a science degree. I felt compelled to explain or defend every decision because that’s how I excelled in school. Man, how exhausting I must have been! (A belated and heartfelt apology to my Fabric and Haircare co-workers 🫤). As I grew from Assistant Brand Manager to Brand Manager, I learned to let some of that rigor go and to shift the way I presented my ideas.

Later at Apple, we were all in it together. We worked side-by-side, sometimes overnight. The camaraderie was intense and wonderful! But when I started working at IHG, it became clear that I lacked a degree of gravitas for this industry. So, I evolved again. Soon, I shed some of that “in it together” chumminess and began to present myself with more polish. Was I being fake? Definitely not. But was I learning a new way of leading? For sure.

So, how do you get started?

At the start of each new job or role, ask yourself:

1. What skin do I want to shed? And what part of how I present myself have I outgrown?
2. Who am I when I’m at my best self? What works in service of who I want to be, and how do I retain it?
3. Who should I surround myself with? What kind of people bring out the best version of me?
4. How should I operate? Which ways of working have helped me be successful? What hasn’t worked as well?

You’ll accelerate your growth and development if you do!

Click here to listen to the entire podcast with Stacy Mayer. And for related articles:

• The power of agility
• Life hacks including the impact of ‘going 10x’
• Becoming unbreakable

Image created with Dalle 3

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A seeming dichotomy?

Traditionally, we might think of design as craft and creativity – and to be clear, these are certainly critical to great design. However, an understanding of user needs and business goals should also sit at the core of what designers do.

On the other hand, business leaders often value financial performance, strategic planning, or product development as top priorities. But great design is critical to creating a great user experience, which is core to delivering on any financial goals.

In sum, great design isn’t only about how things appear, it’s about seamless functionality and delightful experience. And as with any business priority, we don’t get there accidentally. Strong design comes from a deep understanding of user needs, reflection and foresight on industry trends, and fluency with the latest tech.

Design Thinking Saves Money

Optimizing your user experience, or UX, saves you money. How? Great design upfront reduces disappointment, which means lost users or potential users. Also, a well-designed experience delivers everything a user is looking for, which reduces the need and expense of customer support. In fact, one tech organization estimates that 25% of all project failures are due to poor design!

Design Generates Revenue

Every design decision has an impact on the user experience, which directly impacts our ability to make money. For instance, great design brings in intrigued consumers, keeps them engaged, seamlessly converts that interest to trial, and retains loyal users. Forrester, one of the most influential advisory firms in the world, estimates that for every dollar invested in UX, there’s a return of $990!

See, it’s not just about bringing customers from awareness to trial and loyalty, awesome design reduces friction across the user journey. This ensures a delightful experience, which can often become a competitive advantage. How many websites or apps do you stay on for over a minute, waiting for a page to load? (I’d guess NONE).

Some Tips for Design that Enhances Business

• Learn about the business: What are we trying to achieve? What are our goals?
• Ruthlessly prioritize: Identify the most critical product features and perfect them.
• Clock the miliseconds: Reduce every tiny bit of friction you can in the user experience.
• Marie Kondo the thing: Remove every bit of unnecessary clutter that doesn’t add value.
• Make technology your friend: Learn how to use tools that enable simplicity and efficiency.
• Iterate: Recognize you won’t get it perfect the first time, and let consumers inform quick, agile improvements.
• Monitor and Evolve: Watch and learn how design drives growth, not on a monthly basis but on a daily, hourly basis.

Oh, and Design Thinking Makes us Better Leaders, too.

Design thinking enables efficient problem-solving. Over the last 25 years, I’ve witnessed how leaders generally approach problems with either: 1) An engineering mindset, or 2) A designer mindset.

For instance, an engineering approach starts with collecting and analyzing the data available. We take a methodical approach based on what has been done in the past, the current challenge at hand, and a view of where we need to go in the future.

On the other hand, to solve a design challenge, we start with the end in mind. What does success look like? This can massively expand our consideration set and approach, to develop as many divergent solutions as possible!

So, rather than seen as a dichotomy, Design and Business come together to make us and our business better.

For a related article, check out The value of experiential design, What I learned in an emerging market

Images made with Dalle 3

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1. AGILITY – Let’s consider how we might bend, not break. By doing so, we can cultivate agility in our responses to all that life throws at us. Consider the bamboo plant – its tensile strength is stronger than oak and even steel!* Yet, bamboo can bend so far that its tips touch the earth. Like the bamboo plant, we can learn to yield to pressure, enabling some give against stressful forces. Then as the pressure lifts, we flex and stand back up, stronger than before.

2. SELF-AWARENESS – We must know ourselves, otherwise we risk bending so far, we are unable to recover our original shape. You see, self awareness helps us avoid yielding so much that we lose too much of ourselves.

3. SUPPORT SYSTEM – Self awareness is important, but any of us can lose our center of balance. This is where a support system comes in. Strong, loving hands which know and value you, can help retain your sense of self. They come alongside and wrap around you, bolstering and supporting you. A support system can help you bounce back as you borrow from their strength.

Now back to the question, “Was I born this way?”

Absolutely not. Here’s how I became more unbreakable… and still learning every day.

1. AGILITY – I like stretching the edges of comfort because the more I become comfortable with discomfort, the more I find I’m able to bounce back to my center of gravity. In fact, I delivered a TEDx talk about just this topic (TEDx on Killing chickens). Whether it was embarking on a 24-hour survival course, trying out kite surfing, or changing industries throughout my career, these intentional stretches have helped me develop resilience.
2. SELF-AWARENESS – I’m a pretty straightforward person and used to approach circumstances with a black and white mindset. Over time, friend, mentors, and self-reflection have helped me develop a deeper sense of self-awareness. In fact, I look back on my former self and realize how much I lacked a nuanced view of myself and the world around me. Because here’s the thing – life is a journey and we are continually developing a deeper understanding of who we are.
3. SUPPORT SYSTEM – Here’s where I feel inordinately blessed. Despite all my failings, life has introduced the most incredible, loving, considerate humans who lift me up. They build into me, love and advise me, gently pointing out my inconsistencies and shortcomings. Friends, don’t run from or shut out the people who sharpen you. Because that generous energy produces friction, which becomes the source of our growth and the seed of resilience.

In conclusion, in an effort to become unbreakable, practice agility with an intentional focus on building a deeper awareness of self. Identify and engage your support system (and thank them for all they do for you!)

For related articles, check out:

• How resilience helps manage our energy
• The three traits I look for when hiring (spoiler alert: resilience is one!)

*Bamboo has an average tensile strength of about 1,400 pounds per square inch (psi), but can reach up to 28,000 psi, which is stronger than oak and maple. This is also stronger than steel, which has a tensile strength of 23,000 psi (Source)

All images made with Dalle 3

The post Becoming unbreakable appeared first on Social Legacy.

1. Try on different skins

Each new start provides an opportunity for a fresh beginning. I remember when Laini started a new grade and began introducing herself as Melaina. She tried on the skin of being Melaina vs. Laini. And it turns out, she prefers Laini. What a wise and courageous experiment! My kid recognized the opportunity to try a new skin and went for it!

You can do the same thing each time you start a new job, or even a new role at the same company.

Ask yourself:

• What skin do I want to shed? Is there language, behavior, or habits that don’t serve me well? What if I tried a different way?
• Who am I when I’m at my best self? What context enables me to be at my best, and what practices should I adopt to enable that version of myself as consistently and as often as possible?
• Who should I surround myself with? What kinds of people challenge me? Which friends sharpen me and make me better? Which friends aren’t really friends at all?
• How should I operate? Are there different ways of working, changes in how I might manage my calendar, time, and energy? 

As we try different skins, we may keep part of some and discard others. Ultimately, we find the skin in which we’re most comfortable. After all, in this one precious life of ours, we are living to discover who we are. And this is one way to accelerate growth.

2. Take in different voices

Do you believe you view the world through a biased lens? I’m pretty sure we all do. And today, more dramatically biased views are becoming more prevalent. Do you know why?

Well, I think it’s largely because of the predominance and ubiquity of social media. You see, content is becoming increasingly extreme (shock ‘em and stop ‘em in the scroll!) and technology is serving up more extreme content based on your behavior. Pretty soon, you’re taking in one skewed view of the world, and you may not even know it. This is why it’s important for us to be intentional about taking in multiple voices.

Ask yourself:

• Are you a liberal thinker? While it may feel uncomfortable, listen to a few conservative voices. Add a few new podcasts to your queue.
• Has your family lived in this area for years? I’ve heard folks saying things like “How can those red caps really believe what they believe?” and “I can’t keep track of all the letters… what is it now, LGBTQ… Seek to understand the lived experience of those who have immigrated to the country.
• Is there something you don’t understand? I challenge you to make it your business to try and understand that thing, perspective, or world view.

Also, I think this intentionality should extend beyond the voices we take in.

I believe we each carry a responsibility to create and project alternative voices

After all, if we don’t, who will? If only the paid voices are heard, can you imagine how polarized the world might become? Ah, and this is why creativity is so important.

Creative storytellers help shape how we see the world and our role within it, with the only desired outcome being to make you feel something and think differently.

In my own effort to find less biased voices, I’ve started curating the following list. I’d love to hear – what are your trusted voices?

• The Atlantic
• NPR Up First
• Morning Wire
• Al Jazeera New Updates

Check out my full podcast chat with Stacy, listen here. And for related articles, check out:

• Tangible tips to living with intention
• Empathy requires intentionality
• For other podcasts I’ve recorded, click here.

All images generated by AI using Dalle 3.

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Write a list of hypotheses.

1. When you first accept the offer, you hold an initial view of the company and the business opportunity that draws you. So while it’s fresh, write down what attracted you to the job and what value you believe you can contribute.
2. Add to that list of hypotheses… in your first week, and then every week for your first month. Outline ways you think the business can be improved, optimized, and grown.
3. As you wrap each week, bring that list back out. Cross out incorrect assumptions, edit based on new information, add new thoughts and ideas.

As you edit this list each week, you’ll hone those hypotheses with richer context and knowledge. As you do, bring the breadth of your experience and wisdom into the mix. And together, this list will serve as your lighthouse – it defines what you will achieve in this role. And even as you (inevitably) feel tossed amongst the waves, keep your eyes on that beacon.

Your list becomes your legacy.

By your third month, this list should be pretty tight. And do you know what you’ve done? You’ve defined the legacy you will leave in this role.

Here’s a mental image many of us carry. Have you ever transitioned jobs? You know how when you move on, the team celebrates you with drinks and cake? Lovely people take turns talking about your achievements and thank you for your accomplishments, right?

Well, how much more intentionally do you enter a new role when you define that list of hypotheses upfront? You’re starting with the end in mind; that focus will serve you in achieving more with more focus, which will benefit the company richly, too.

And that is how NOT to drink the Kool-Aid!

This topic came up as I recorded a podcast with Stacy Mayer. To listen, click here.

For related articles, check out:

• Legacy in the workplace
• Living with intention
• Who are you?
• For other podcasts I’ve recorded, click here.

Photo credits: lighthouse by Zetong Li

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