Mirrors

To be at our best, we must set aside time for self-reflection. A few important checks:

• Am I sleeping well? I used to be able to get away with 4hrs a night. Then I needed 6. Today, I need at least 7. How many hours do you need? Do you use a sleeping app to track and improve your rest? I use Sleep Cycle and find it useful.
• Am I eating well? It’s become increasingly important to me to eat less processed and more organic. Recently after living with the Hadzabe tribe in Tanzania, I reevaluated my diet!
• Am I enjoying regular and varying movement? Now, I used to talk about exercise but realized that movement may be less intimidating and more inclusive. See, we don’t have to take classes, ski black diamonds or hold a particularly challenging yoga pose. What benefits our bodies is ensuring we’re moving at least 30min a day.

And what about the things we can’t see… our blind spots?

• This is where we look for mirrors. Mine are those people who love me enough to hold up an accurate reflection to me, highlighting red flags and showing me where I’m not at my best. My mirrors catch language if it’s not sounding right and keep me honest if I’m headed in the wrong direction. They know me well enough and love me enough to tell me the truth. They’re sharp and communicative, confident and caring.

Thank you Minki, Harper, Monique, Molly, Raja, Marchoe, Jon, Jay, Tim, Hannah, Jess, Viv, Angie, Rachel.

• Where do we find the best mirrors? Great question, Lori. I feel so blessed to have so many authentic friends who want the best for me. Here’s a potentially unpopular thought: the best mirror may be someone you struggled with at work. Why? Well, they didn’t see you at your best or didn’t appreciate your point of view. Today in wisdom and maturity, might you learn from that experience? Were they trying to say something that you were too defensive to hear?

You may or may not agree with them, but they were brave enough to call you out. So, reach out. First, thank them for speaking truth. Then, ask where they see your blind spots. You may learn something valuable. At a minimum, you’ll likely leave a strained relationship in a better place.

Breadcrumbs

We spend so much time at work, that I think it’s fulfilling to develop meaningful relationships with our coworkers. Now, I know not everyone may agree with this, and I respect that. Some prefer to separate work and home life. But as for me, over the years, I’ve increasingly blended the two. Lori asked me, How do I develop real relationships with my coworkers?

• Create opportunities for shared experiences. It can be difficult to create meaningful connection if all we do is meet and talk business agendas. That’s why I love sharing experiences with coworkers! Look for opportunities to meet consumers together, visit stores together, and travel together. Because these are the moments we come together and find space to connect as humans.
• Leave breadcrumbs, small open doors for folks to ask more about you. For instance, my LinkedIn background is a snapshot from my last big trip. I select desktop or phone screensavers that open conversation about my family. Even today, I wear jewelry that Laini made me years ago – both because it makes me happy and because it opens conversation about my kid. What breadcrumbs might you leave about your family, interests or hobbies?

What are your tips for being at your best, and enabling more meaningful engagement?

Click here to listen to our entire episode. And here are a few related articles:

• Mirrors or Windows?
• My 3mo miracle and his love of mirrors (marginally related but a delightful video!)

Images created with Google Imagen 3

The post Being your best self: Mirrors & Breadcrumbs appeared first on Social Legacy.

Look for experiences that round you out.

This was a great point – when we get itchy to move onward and upward, we often look for the next title or more pay. But Bhav encourages listeners to seek experiences that build out our skill set – go wide, not up. If you look to expand your experience set when looking for something new, you set yourself up for continued growth.

Now, we recognize that leaning into different experiences is scary. You may worry, “What if I fail?”

But… what if you succeed?

In fact, we often don’t realize it when we push for the next promotion that we may be plateauing in our career. So, look for experiences that round you out, vs. accelerate up.

Be the luck in other people’s life.

What does Bhav mean? He recognized how we’ve both been so lucky in our lives and our careers. It’s true – we’ve had great bosses and mentors, people who have helped us along. So the best thing we can do is to turn and pull. That is, become the luck in another’s life. And I couldn’t agree more with Bhav that this approach in life will pay back multiple times.

I’ll pause here and recognize no career is all smooth sailing. Sure, there are bumps and people we would have preferred to not work for or with. But two things bear remembering: 1) We learned from those people and experiences, because humans grow and strengthen through friction, 2) We ought not fixate on the negatives, for risk of missing the luck and positivity from which we’ve also benefitted.

View everything as an opportunity.

Bhav grew up in Nairobi, Kenya where there was a lot of turmoil and specifically, persecution of Indians. This led his parents to take the kids and move to London with nothing. There, their close family of five started over, figuring out how to all live in one rented room. Even as they collected coins to pay a meter for electricity, Bhav and his siblings realized they had a great life together – and saw everything extra as pure opportunity.

OK, reading about his upbringing may not resonate as privilege. But Bhav always sees the opportunity – and he intentionally reflects to recognize the privileges he did grow up with. And he reminds our listeners that not everyone has had the same privilege they’ve had, either. What a wise, awesome leader. Had to post a photo from when we recently hiked to the Wisdom Tree 🙂

Listen to the full podcast here and for all my podcasts, please check out the podcast page on my site.

Interested in hearing more from Bhav? If you’re in Singapore this July, check him and this event out at ProcureCon Asia.

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The 3 P’s of my leadership brand

Jayzen asked me how I’d describe my leadership brand and I landed on an alliteration like any good P&Ger 😆. Here are my three P’s and what they mean to me:

• PERSONAL – To be human, to apologize when I’m wrong, and to utter those three difficult words (“I don’t know”) when I need to. It’s about being vulnerable and open, so people can see me, because this is foundational to building trust.
• PURPOSEFUL – To create purposefully, identifying new ways of working and realizing something useful+entertaining+compelling that should exist but doesn’t. This might mean getting intentional with time and priorities, redefining how we connect with others, or next-level storytelling.
• POSITIVE – To approach work with an energetic and curious mindset. This is not naiveté or misplaced optimism. Rather, positivity is choosing growth and asking the question, “What has to be true?” as counterpoint to “It can’t be done.”

Don’t forget: Brands evolve

So does your leadership brand, and thank God for that! I reflected on the list of people I need to apologize to, for not being at my best and sometimes at my worst. Thank goodness we grow and learn from our mistakes. And remembering this, I try to extend grace to those who negatively impacted me, too. Because everyone is a work in progress. Here are two ways I’ve evolved:

1. Softened – When I was younger, I needed to be smart and right. And as the child of Asian immigrants, I was taught to be tough and stoic. In fact, while chatting with Jayzen, I shared (for the first time) my worst memory of myself.

As Starbucks cmo, I remember a Lays brand marketer who pushed very hard to meet with me. Now, I knew we wouldn’t shelve their products so when I saw her on my calendar, I approached the meeting resentfully. You see, I forgot she was a human, trying to do her job. I was overly focused on my job and frankly, my inflated sense of self.

Even today, I feel terrible about that meeting. But I’ve learned and will never treat any interested partner or vendor that way again. Because I now realize there’s strength in softness and courage in vulnerability.

2. Integrated – Raised in Asian family, the almighty work was almost a sacred thing, held separate from home life. Coming from this environment, I treated work very differently in my earlier years. I felt the need to keep work (and the people) distant from my real self.

On the pod, I shared how Will Travis served as a mirror to my attitude and behavior. He was truthful in a helpful, gentle way – thank you Will! Because of his coaching, I now identify as human first, where who I am in life takes priority over my job title.

The Rule of Three: Give yourself space to evolve.

We often get itchy to change jobs, seek promotion, or move to a new opportunity… before we’re ready. You see, I believe it takes more than two years to maximize what you can learn and contribute in a job. By staying in a role for three years, you give yourself time to evolve:

• Year One: The first time you do something (like budget, marketing, or comp planning), you’re mostly learning. Now, you’ll get the job done, but most likely, not in an optimized fashion.
• Year Two: This time, the process feels familiar, and you’ve got a list of things you’d do differently. You’ll ask smarter questions, get further ahead of timelines, and deliver a better product.
• Year Three: Now you’re majorly contributing! You got the the process and you’re nailing the timeline. You focus your attention on optimization, getting more efficient and creative in ways of working to create an outstanding product. What you do and how you do it raises the bar.

Thanks Jayzen for an awesome conversation! 🫶 Click here to listen to the full podcast

Click here to access my other podcasts like Build your Leadership Legacy and check out a few related articles below:

• 3 most underrated leadership traits
• Management vs. Leadership

The post What’s your leadership brand? appeared first on Social Legacy.

In our episode, we discussed:

• Authentic Leadership: Lead with honesty, trust, and personal alignment.
• Intentional Living: Make choices that reflect your values and goals.
• Career Growth: Lessons from 25+ years across multiple industries.
• Community Engagement: Giving back through SOS and other nonprofits.
• Work-Life Integration: Balancing career, family, and personal passions.

Listen to our episode “Human First, Job Title Second” on the Lead With Your Brand Podcast here.

Related Contents:

• What’s your leadership brand?

The post Lead With Your Brand Podcast appeared first on Social Legacy.

What made Thanksgiving 2024 so special?

1. Mixed it up: Old and new friends aged 2 to 60+ from every continent came together around food and fellowship.
2. Embraced imperfections: The gluten-free labels floated away in the wind… the food got cold… WE got cold… but we focused on the substance of the moment and that meant everything.
3. A regular cadence of fun: After the photo booth, the kids enjoyed a treasure hunt on the property, then Laini took them on a neighborhood scavenger hunt (nice job, love!) Later, Tim did magic tricks and the kids pinned the hat on the turkey.

Oh, the memories!

Our shared living arrangement with Tim & Hannah continues to bring such joy. Hannah’s mom Julia brought a belly laugh that matches my own! And they continue to wow with the most delish cocktails (not to mention ube mashed potatoes what?!)

Waymond Jasper stunned in a tux and the family photo at the end of the night was hilarious! We weren’t in the nicest room… but we had to do it here – surrounding the littlest one where he fell asleep.

So much thanksgiving.

Hearts and bellies full… reminded of the joy of community.. renewed in gratitude for our shared living arrangement, family, friends, and of course, the dogs. 🥰

For those wondering, Minki’s still in Shanghai running MustardTek, whose mission is to harness the creative power of diversity for a more equitable world. His worthy mission makes living as a split family an easy decision.

For more on our chosen shared living lifestyle, check out:

• Co-Journeyers
• The Tribe & The Village

The post Thanksgiving 2024 appeared first on Social Legacy.

Why needing comes from a place of scarcity.

When we feel the need for something, we’re trying to fill a perceived hole in what feels like a zero-sum game. It feels desperate, consuming… and often, lonely. You see, if I need something that someone else has, I must seize from them to benefit myself. Conversely, if someone else is doing well, I may feel that their success comes at my expense.

How do we operate when we perceive resources are scarce?

• We worry about and hoard what we have.
• Our hands hold onto things tightly, our posture clenched and rigid.
• Emotions become tethered to, and swing wildly when are perceived needs are filled.
• We focus on costs, think in transactions, and covet security.

How wanting can come from a place of abundance

Yep, it’s the total opposite! Instead of filling a perceived hole, we approach life with gratitude, creativity and cooperation. Instead of worrying about not getting our fair share of limited resources, we consider ways to innovate solutions and create more. We see endless opportunity as we want for ourselves, and for everyone!

How do we operate when we approach the world with an abundance mindset?

• We let our imaginations loose and dream about what we want.
• Outstretched hands reach out, our posture loose and open.
• Our emotions remain steady, because our want doesn’t come from a place of fear.
• We focus on investments, think about transformations, and pursue purpose.

This applies to every aspect of life and work.

In life – if you exist in the scarcity of need, you may feel overwhelmed with anxiety. The pressures of life can weigh you down, leaving you immobile. Or perhaps you need to feel loved and remain in a relationship that isn’t healthy or balanced.

But if you embrace the abundance of want, you start with gratitude. You recognize all that you have and calibrate what is enough… often, more than enough. Then, you design creative solutions that amplify – our family’s shared living solution is one example that brings us so much joy!

At work – if you operate with the scarcity of need, you might remain in a job that you don’t love. You may come to resent your boss or peers, or spiral in self-deprecation.

However, if you embrace the abundance of want, you appreciate what you can in your current role. Then, you consider ways to grow your influence and increase your impact. Perhaps you design a new role for yourself or begin looking outside as you want for more. For instance, wanting to write a book, my family supported a bold move to take a one-year sabbatical and do just that.

If you shift your Need to Want, you’ll find yourself:

• Worrying less and dreaming more,
• Holding things less tightly, and reaching out with open anticipation,
• Focused less on security and more on opportunity,
• Releasing a need for status and instead, pursuing contribution,
• Shifting your mindset from mandatories to multipliers,
• Reframing costs as investments,
• Dropping transactions and designing transformations,
• Evolving your approach from managing to leading,
• As your priorities become purpose.

For related articles, check out

• Find the fun and leave a legacy – that time I played community elf.
• The power of tiny interactions – and the abundance they bring!

Images made in my WPP Creative Studio

The post Escape the Scarcity of Needing appeared first on Social Legacy.

How do we serve money?

Speaking to Co-hosts Sandi Bragar and Cammie Doder on their podcast Money Tales, we talked about how we often find ourselves in servitude to money.

We forfeit relationships. This July, I had to dip into savings with everything going on – and must admit, it didn’t feel great. Especially when an old friend tried to take advantage of me in a moment of vulnerability. I think he was letting money serve him, hustling for a little extra at the expense of a relationship.

In response, serving money would feel like anger or bitterness, and might look like argument or retaliation. Instead, I did my best to let money serve me. I reflected on how I was blessed with what I had, and reminded myself that regardless of how he approached it, what he sold me was useful – it served our family’s needs and enabled Laini to enjoy a valuable internship.

We damage family commitments and personal health in service to money. Perhaps we give too much to our jobs, we miss the important moments with loved ones, or sacrifice personal wellness time. Short-term, we may benefit from promotions and increases. But one day, we’ll look back with regret at the moments, memories, and health we can never get back. In the big moments, I plan, shift, invest, and do everything I can to choose family.

We consume > contribute. Life is not a zero sum game, but sometimes it can feel that way. We don’t believe we have enough time or resource to volunteer, join that committee, or help the neighbor in need. So we consume and build our kingdoms.

This may provide a feeling of security… I get it. But at the end of our lives, will we ever wish we had more? Or will we wish we had contributed more? Our family has found that every time we contribute, even when it takes a monumental effort to get started, that our family is blessed beyond any reason or expectation!

A great read: Bronnie Ware wrote The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, which is so distilling. Here’s a pdf recap if you haven’t read it and want just the highlights.

How money can serve us

Separate Need vs. Want. Having just moved (and having moved a lot in life!) I make this an active weeding exercise. As we pack, we pull out anything we haven’t used in the last year and give it away. Then on the other end as we unpack, if anything doesn’t fit the home, we immediately get rid of it. The result? No dusty boxes in the garage of things we don’t need (and definitely don’t want!)

Do the Math. On the pod, I was asked how we can validate we consume < contribute. Well, we do the math. When Laini was younger, we used an app to help her divide up her allowance into Spend – Save – Give allotments.

As adults, we track against the same math. Are you dividing your monthly income upfront? If we don’t intentionally set portions aside, it’s startling how quickly it can disappear and we’re suddenly living month to month.

Hold it Loosely. Remember, money is temporary, but the impact we can have with this temporary currency can reverberate forever.

Click here to listen to the full podcast and check out www.social-legacy.com/podcasts for all my recordings. For related articles, check out:

• An awesome podcast with the inimitable Shaun Rein – he shares great wisdom on money management
• Three ways to increase your impact now

The post Money serves us, we don’t serve money appeared first on Social Legacy.

Goodness comes from weak ties.

Tiny interactions that can be forgotten almost as quickly as they happened, have far more impact that we might think! Professionally, Granovetter observed them bridging networks, people and information. Socially, I see two priceless benefits:

1. Weak ties connect people who share less in common. While strong ties are developed through meaningful commonalities in values or demographics, weak ties connect folks from different social circles. This broadens our world view, helping us see and understand perspectives different from our own.
2. Those diverse connections are nourishing, and in fact, are part of why it’s so much fun to go to work. They enable us to feel connected to a vibrant, interesting community. At VML, we recently remodeled our Playa Vista office to become more of a WPP campus, which has created more buzz and excitement than ever before!

In discussing this concept with my friend Alex Lubar recently, he beautifully called them “fleeting engagements” and helped me crystallize my POV. Thanks, friend!

Does that mean strong ties are bad?

Absolutely not! Strong ties are the ones we lean on in crisis, the trusted voices we go to for advice in life’s most stretching moments. They are valued, close relationships, often forged over years of shared experience.

Yet, it’s helpful to be aware that networks of strong ties can also be limiting. We may see the world through a biased view, reinforced by the similar voices around us. You see, there is the dangerous tendency to seek out people and information that affirm our existing beliefs, and strong ties can serve this purpose.

On the other hand, a larger, more diverse social network is more likely to serve up opposing views, challenging our belief system and encouraging more critical thinking.

StanfordReport says it well: “The more homophilic a society is, the greater the resulting inequality and lack of social mobility can be.”

How to nurture those tiny interactions.

So, you’re thinking you want to diversify your interactions. Perhaps you seek a more heterogenous community, or are experiencing loneliness. How do you get started?

1. Initiate a new routine. I have two dogs and walk the same routes every day – so I see the same neighbors every day. But last weekend, I started winding new roads and met some interesting new people. So try taking a different route in your daily travels. By the way, if you don’t have dogs, consider rescuing one – they bring so much joy to the home and also serve as the perfect social lubricant!
2. Settle down in a public space. Last week, my dogs resisted going back into the house after a walk, so I sat on my front lawn. I met loads of neighbors and plan to sit out front more often! Maybe you don’t have a lawn – settle in at a local coffee shop with a book and extra-large latte.
3. Pack up and give away leftovers. I’ve gotten to know some lovely people this way. It costs nothing to ask a restaurant to box up leftovers, and feels great when we can open the car window and give it to someone who could use it.
4. Volunteer. Noticeboards in your coffee shop, library or grocery store often seek volunteers for local events. What a great way to contribute and meet people in your community!
5. Smile. A Travelodge survey showed that nearly half of those surveyed have become kinder post-COVID, and 42% of adults stated that that when a stranger does something nice unexpectedly, it makes their day extra special. In fact, random acts of kindness are contagious, so catalyze a movement today and discover the power of tiny interactions this week!

For related articles, check out:

• How Kitti Murphy built a diverse community around coffee @RefugeCoffee
• Developing a social legacy in the workplace
• The importance of psychological safety

The post The Power of Tiny Interactions appeared first on Social Legacy.

In our episode, we discussed:

• My upbringing as a child of Chinese immigrants and my relationship with money growing up
• My career journey and the evolution of my financial literacy
• My family’s philosophy: Contribute more than you consume
• Social Legacy and how The Spare Room influenced my relationship with money
• Upcoming money conversations

Listen to our full episode of the Money Tales Podcast on my YouTube channel here.

Related contents:

• Money serves us, we don’t serve money

The post Money Tales: The Aspirant Podcast appeared first on Social Legacy.

1. Try on different skins

Each new start provides an opportunity for a fresh beginning. I remember when Laini started a new grade and began introducing herself as Melaina. She tried on the skin of being Melaina vs. Laini. And it turns out, she prefers Laini. What a wise and courageous experiment! My kid recognized the opportunity to try a new skin and went for it!

You can do the same thing each time you start a new job, or even a new role at the same company.

Ask yourself:

• What skin do I want to shed? Is there language, behavior, or habits that don’t serve me well? What if I tried a different way?
• Who am I when I’m at my best self? What context enables me to be at my best, and what practices should I adopt to enable that version of myself as consistently and as often as possible?
• Who should I surround myself with? What kinds of people challenge me? Which friends sharpen me and make me better? Which friends aren’t really friends at all?
• How should I operate? Are there different ways of working, changes in how I might manage my calendar, time, and energy? 

As we try different skins, we may keep part of some and discard others. Ultimately, we find the skin in which we’re most comfortable. After all, in this one precious life of ours, we are living to discover who we are. And this is one way to accelerate growth.

2. Take in different voices

Do you believe you view the world through a biased lens? I’m pretty sure we all do. And today, more dramatically biased views are becoming more prevalent. Do you know why?

Well, I think it’s largely because of the predominance and ubiquity of social media. You see, content is becoming increasingly extreme (shock ‘em and stop ‘em in the scroll!) and technology is serving up more extreme content based on your behavior. Pretty soon, you’re taking in one skewed view of the world, and you may not even know it. This is why it’s important for us to be intentional about taking in multiple voices.

Ask yourself:

• Are you a liberal thinker? While it may feel uncomfortable, listen to a few conservative voices. Add a few new podcasts to your queue.
• Has your family lived in this area for years? I’ve heard folks saying things like “How can those red caps really believe what they believe?” and “I can’t keep track of all the letters… what is it now, LGBTQ… Seek to understand the lived experience of those who have immigrated to the country.
• Is there something you don’t understand? I challenge you to make it your business to try and understand that thing, perspective, or world view.

Also, I think this intentionality should extend beyond the voices we take in.

I believe we each carry a responsibility to create and project alternative voices

After all, if we don’t, who will? If only the paid voices are heard, can you imagine how polarized the world might become? Ah, and this is why creativity is so important.

Creative storytellers help shape how we see the world and our role within it, with the only desired outcome being to make you feel something and think differently.

In my own effort to find less biased voices, I’ve started curating the following list. I’d love to hear – what are your trusted voices?

• The Atlantic
• NPR Up First
• Morning Wire
• Al Jazeera New Updates

Check out my full podcast chat with Stacy, listen here. And for related articles, check out:

• Tangible tips to living with intention
• Empathy requires intentionality
• For other podcasts I’ve recorded, click here.

All images generated by AI using Dalle 3.

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