Sure, it’s important to be in the right state of mind when approaching a new challenge or tackling a particularly hairy problem. Mentally, intelligence and wisdom can take us a long way. But if our state of heart isn’t right, we’ll find ourselves struggling every step of the way.

So, how do we get our state of heart in a good place?

1. Build your confidence. Courage isn’t taking action in the absence of fear, rather it’s moving forward despite the fear. Therefore, an understanding of our capabilities can serve as an anchor for our self-belief. You see, fear can compel us to shrink inward, to make ourselves small. Check this out: imagine yourself as a balloon. When you diminish yourself, you may look something like this:

But when you start testing the edges of your boundaries… stretching yourself to see what’s possible, you expand. You get all big and shiny and beautiful! 

So try something new and build new capabilities. Allow your confidence to grow as you begin doing the things you thought you couldn’t. This will be wonderful for your state of heart.

2. Recognize what feeds your spirit. Then, make sure you get enough of that on a regular basis. Because we may be great at some things, and perhaps those things have afforded us a comfortable salary and lifestyle. But that doesn’t mean we enjoy those activities. So, what do you love doing?  Lean into something meaningful that speaks to you on an emotional level. 

Maybe it IS work- hallelujah! Or maybe a tweak or expansion of your job scope can get you there. For others, work is perfectly fine, but the thing that feeds your spirit resides elsewhere. That’s also all right. If you develop the sensitivity to hear and trust where your heart is being pulled, lean in. Your heart will thank you.

3. Find your tribe. I feel tremendously blessed that my husband, daughter and I share such a rich, loving relationships. Truly, I don’t take this for granted! They’re my tribe. Whatever the challenge, I dive in with a solid state of heart because I know they’re with me.

Indoor skydiving!

In fact, the importance of tribe is in part, why I feel so strongly about uncovering your social legacy. Because if you identify your own unique contribution against the issue or opportunity that most speaks to you… and you then find others who feel exactly the same… how incredibly powerful will your tribe be?!

What is your state of heart?

If you’re not feeling great about it, invest time to: 1) build your confidence, 2) identify that which feeds your soul, and 3) surround yourself with your tribe. 

Thanks to Maria Bailey for the discussion that inspired this on your Ordinary Habits, Extraordinary Life podcast. To listen to our full conversation, click here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-20-living-inside-your-social-legacy-with-best/id1491986795?i=1000529493548

Deflated balloon, bright yellow balloon, smiling heart

The post What is your state of heart? appeared first on Social Legacy.

So, what’s causing this friendship recession?

1. Predominance of Technology. The same survey showed that 40% of Americans claim to only have online friends 🤯 Sit with that for a minute. No passing of warm plates, no clinking of glasses, no falling over each other as gales of laughter overtake us. Now, I’m not saying online friendships aren’t meaningful – I have some great friends I’ve met and only engaged with virtually. But to only have online friends feels like we’re missing some of the depth, texture, and richness of human connection.
2. Importance of Work. Increasingly, we identify with our work titles. If not our primary jobs, our side gigs. In fact, the gig economy has put free time (e.g. time to socialize) at a premium. Maybe because we love being busy with both jobs, and maybe because economic pressures are making time an even rarer luxury.
3. Decline of Faith. My friend Ed made a comment the other day, “the benefits of being part of a church are incredible!” The Pew Research Center agrees – they found that active religious adults are more likely to engage in community. Concurrently, Americans who don’t identify with any faith has grown from 17% to 26% over a decade.

And here’s what we can do about it:

• Don’t sacrifice community for convenience. In a world of contactless payment and deliveries left at the door, tech enables us to live a life of complete isolation! Can’t get up the energy to fight traffic today? Texting your friends you can’t make it? Fight the impulse and get out the door! Community feeds your soul like this amazing bunch in Amsterdam 🥰

• Create opportunities to bring amazing people together. My friend Jon Levy has inspired me with his game-changing Influencers Dinner – I realized we can all create shared experiences that build and deepen human connection. In fact, I recently hosted a fun evening with amazing people at one of my fav restaurants!

• Start introducing yourself without referencing work. This may feel uncomfortable at first, but you’ll begin to find other ways to connect, identify yourself, and perhaps realize the myriad ways you both find and contribute joy in life. For instance, with the TikTok account I just started, I refer to myself as CEO, Author, & Mom. All three are equally important to me, because I’m more than my job.

Let’s get ourselves out of this friendship recession.

I imagine us each as sparkling drops of water in the ocean. We’re each a small part of the whole, but if enough of us pull away, the entirety of the ocean shrinks. If we continue to pull away into our little bubbles, our broader communities will be negatively impacted, individual struggles with loneliness and mental wellness will amplify, and truly, the whole world will be impacted. So let’s dive in. Embrace the friction and discomfort that friendship requires and then immerse in the joyful embrace of community. It’s worth it.

For related articles, check out:

• Pilgrims don’t travel alone
• The power of tiny interactions

The post We’re in a friendship recession appeared first on Social Legacy.

Step 1: Unknown unknown becomes Known unknown

😬 ➡ 🤔

Do you have mentors, coaches or advisors around you? These are people who have a sense of what you do and are invested in your growth. They are the ones who can help you identify blind spots. They home in on your unknown unknowns. Some examples:

• Shifting from product to people management. What don’t you know about engaging, supporting and leading people?
• Jumping into a new industry. What technology or vertical knowledge do you need to understand?
• Flagging employee engagement. What new trends, people dynamics, or competitive threats have emerged?

Are you surrounding yourself with people who can help you identify the unknown unknowns? These are blind spots that can become crippling if you don’t address them. But once you’re aware, the unknown unknown becomes a known unknown.

BTW this applies to more than work. I just read a few books, The New Jim Crow, Evicted, and Homelessness is a Housing Problem. My previously unknown unknown has become known and now I need to figure out what I want to do about it.

Step 2: Known unknown becomes Known known

🤔 ➡ 🧐

OK, once you’ve identified what you didn’t know, you can focus on deepening your understand. Research, one-on-one discussions, store checks, consumer engagements… these are all great ways to learn about your area of in-expertise. Because while others can help you identify blind spots, you own the next step in shaping your understanding of that area.

Referring to my new awareness of the homeless problem in the United States, I’m going to deepen my understanding in 2025 and define what I can do about it. Now that I’m aware, this will become part of my Social Legacy.

Step 3: Known known become Mastered known

🧐 ➡ 😎

After learning, researching, listening, and understanding, you develop a plan to grow your expertise and master the area. You’ve grown from lack of awareness to awareness to intentional development. Now, you can share what you learned with others! And this allows you to consider what’s next.

• If your opportunity was in the area of people management, perhaps you can consider growing your team.
• If you’ve now deepend your understanding of a new industry, how do you add unique value?
• If your blind spot was employee engagement, how can you help others who are struggling?

This new growth chart breaks down the basic steps from blind spot to mastery in a few digestible chunks. Now, why do I think this mindset is helpful?

Sometimes we resist the idea of blind spots, or busy ourselves in defending our expertise or leadership… rather than improving our knowledge base and growing. Hopefully the idea of unknowns and knowns takes down our defensive walls and helps shift us into a growth mindset. Because everyone’s got unknown unknowns. It’s what we do about them that matters.

For related articles, check out:

• 2 things you can do to accelerate growth
• How design thinking makes us better leaders

The post The new growth chart appeared first on Social Legacy.

1. Be specific.

When seeking a mentor, show you’ve done your homework on the person.

• Why did you approach this person?
• What are they excellent at, from which you seek to learn?
• How have you been struggling, and why do you seek mentorship now?
• In what ways do you believe this mentor can add value, and what perspective might you offer them in return?

The generic requests, “Will you mentor me?” don’t land well because they don’t give the mentor an understanding of what you need and why you reached out. Further, the cold call requests are even more challenging. In fact, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with reaching out to someone you don’t know. But it’s even more important to be specific and explain why you’re reaching out to them, specifically.

2. Respect their time.

Mentors are busy and if someone agrees to meet with you, demonstrate respect for their time.

• Thank them for agreeing to meet you, and take the lead in scheduling, providing meeting invite with a functioning link.
• Set an agenda for the meeting, and ideally, send one out in advance or attach to the meeting invite.
• Take the lead in the call, setting expectations upfront and ensure you end the call on time.

These simple steps can ensure your mentor feels respected, knows what to expect, and understands how to add value.

I have benefitted greatly from mentors and love mentoring younger leaders! Now, these were the 2 mistakes mentees make from our panel discussion. I hope this helps you find a great mentor and develop a productive relationship. What are your tips for those seeking mentorship?

To hear Jessica’s excellent view of mentorship, listen to our P&G Alumni podcast episode here. And read about how mentors help us become Unbreakable here.

Fish cartoon from writerswrite.co.za and time image generated with Dall-e

The post 2 mistakes mentees make appeared first on Social Legacy.

Mirrors

To be at our best, we must set aside time for self-reflection. A few important checks:

• Am I sleeping well? I used to be able to get away with 4hrs a night. Then I needed 6. Today, I need at least 7. How many hours do you need? Do you use a sleeping app to track and improve your rest? I use Sleep Cycle and find it useful.
• Am I eating well? It’s become increasingly important to me to eat less processed and more organic. Recently after living with the Hadzabe tribe in Tanzania, I reevaluated my diet!
• Am I enjoying regular and varying movement? Now, I used to talk about exercise but realized that movement may be less intimidating and more inclusive. See, we don’t have to take classes, ski black diamonds or hold a particularly challenging yoga pose. What benefits our bodies is ensuring we’re moving at least 30min a day.

And what about the things we can’t see… our blind spots?

• This is where we look for mirrors. Mine are those people who love me enough to hold up an accurate reflection to me, highlighting red flags and showing me where I’m not at my best. My mirrors catch language if it’s not sounding right and keep me honest if I’m headed in the wrong direction. They know me well enough and love me enough to tell me the truth. They’re sharp and communicative, confident and caring.

Thank you Minki, Harper, Monique, Molly, Raja, Marchoe, Jon, Jay, Tim, Hannah, Jess, Viv, Angie, Rachel.

• Where do we find the best mirrors? Great question, Lori. I feel so blessed to have so many authentic friends who want the best for me. Here’s a potentially unpopular thought: the best mirror may be someone you struggled with at work. Why? Well, they didn’t see you at your best or didn’t appreciate your point of view. Today in wisdom and maturity, might you learn from that experience? Were they trying to say something that you were too defensive to hear?

You may or may not agree with them, but they were brave enough to call you out. So, reach out. First, thank them for speaking truth. Then, ask where they see your blind spots. You may learn something valuable. At a minimum, you’ll likely leave a strained relationship in a better place.

Breadcrumbs

We spend so much time at work, that I think it’s fulfilling to develop meaningful relationships with our coworkers. Now, I know not everyone may agree with this, and I respect that. Some prefer to separate work and home life. But as for me, over the years, I’ve increasingly blended the two. Lori asked me, How do I develop real relationships with my coworkers?

• Create opportunities for shared experiences. It can be difficult to create meaningful connection if all we do is meet and talk business agendas. That’s why I love sharing experiences with coworkers! Look for opportunities to meet consumers together, visit stores together, and travel together. Because these are the moments we come together and find space to connect as humans.
• Leave breadcrumbs, small open doors for folks to ask more about you. For instance, my LinkedIn background is a snapshot from my last big trip. I select desktop or phone screensavers that open conversation about my family. Even today, I wear jewelry that Laini made me years ago – both because it makes me happy and because it opens conversation about my kid. What breadcrumbs might you leave about your family, interests or hobbies?

What are your tips for being at your best, and enabling more meaningful engagement?

Click here to listen to our entire episode. And here are a few related articles:

• Mirrors or Windows?
• My 3mo miracle and his love of mirrors (marginally related but a delightful video!)

Images created with Google Imagen 3

The post Being your best self: Mirrors & Breadcrumbs appeared first on Social Legacy.

Look for experiences that round you out.

This was a great point – when we get itchy to move onward and upward, we often look for the next title or more pay. But Bhav encourages listeners to seek experiences that build out our skill set – go wide, not up. If you look to expand your experience set when looking for something new, you set yourself up for continued growth.

Now, we recognize that leaning into different experiences is scary. You may worry, “What if I fail?”

But… what if you succeed?

In fact, we often don’t realize it when we push for the next promotion that we may be plateauing in our career. So, look for experiences that round you out, vs. accelerate up.

Be the luck in other people’s life.

What does Bhav mean? He recognized how we’ve both been so lucky in our lives and our careers. It’s true – we’ve had great bosses and mentors, people who have helped us along. So the best thing we can do is to turn and pull. That is, become the luck in another’s life. And I couldn’t agree more with Bhav that this approach in life will pay back multiple times.

I’ll pause here and recognize no career is all smooth sailing. Sure, there are bumps and people we would have preferred to not work for or with. But two things bear remembering: 1) We learned from those people and experiences, because humans grow and strengthen through friction, 2) We ought not fixate on the negatives, for risk of missing the luck and positivity from which we’ve also benefitted.

View everything as an opportunity.

Bhav grew up in Nairobi, Kenya where there was a lot of turmoil and specifically, persecution of Indians. This led his parents to take the kids and move to London with nothing. There, their close family of five started over, figuring out how to all live in one rented room. Even as they collected coins to pay a meter for electricity, Bhav and his siblings realized they had a great life together – and saw everything extra as pure opportunity.

OK, reading about his upbringing may not resonate as privilege. But Bhav always sees the opportunity – and he intentionally reflects to recognize the privileges he did grow up with. And he reminds our listeners that not everyone has had the same privilege they’ve had, either. What a wise, awesome leader. Had to post a photo from when we recently hiked to the Wisdom Tree 🙂

Listen to the full podcast here and for all my podcasts, please check out the podcast page on my site.

Interested in hearing more from Bhav? If you’re in Singapore this July, check him and this event out at ProcureCon Asia.

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The 3 P’s of my leadership brand

Jayzen asked me how I’d describe my leadership brand and I landed on an alliteration like any good P&Ger 😆. Here are my three P’s and what they mean to me:

• PERSONAL – To be human, to apologize when I’m wrong, and to utter those three difficult words (“I don’t know”) when I need to. It’s about being vulnerable and open, so people can see me, because this is foundational to building trust.
• PURPOSEFUL – To create purposefully, identifying new ways of working and realizing something useful+entertaining+compelling that should exist but doesn’t. This might mean getting intentional with time and priorities, redefining how we connect with others, or next-level storytelling.
• POSITIVE – To approach work with an energetic and curious mindset. This is not naiveté or misplaced optimism. Rather, positivity is choosing growth and asking the question, “What has to be true?” as counterpoint to “It can’t be done.”

Don’t forget: Brands evolve

So does your leadership brand, and thank God for that! I reflected on the list of people I need to apologize to, for not being at my best and sometimes at my worst. Thank goodness we grow and learn from our mistakes. And remembering this, I try to extend grace to those who negatively impacted me, too. Because everyone is a work in progress. Here are two ways I’ve evolved:

1. Softened – When I was younger, I needed to be smart and right. And as the child of Asian immigrants, I was taught to be tough and stoic. In fact, while chatting with Jayzen, I shared (for the first time) my worst memory of myself.

As Starbucks cmo, I remember a Lays brand marketer who pushed very hard to meet with me. Now, I knew we wouldn’t shelve their products so when I saw her on my calendar, I approached the meeting resentfully. You see, I forgot she was a human, trying to do her job. I was overly focused on my job and frankly, my inflated sense of self.

Even today, I feel terrible about that meeting. But I’ve learned and will never treat any interested partner or vendor that way again. Because I now realize there’s strength in softness and courage in vulnerability.

2. Integrated – Raised in Asian family, the almighty work was almost a sacred thing, held separate from home life. Coming from this environment, I treated work very differently in my earlier years. I felt the need to keep work (and the people) distant from my real self.

On the pod, I shared how Will Travis served as a mirror to my attitude and behavior. He was truthful in a helpful, gentle way – thank you Will! Because of his coaching, I now identify as human first, where who I am in life takes priority over my job title.

The Rule of Three: Give yourself space to evolve.

We often get itchy to change jobs, seek promotion, or move to a new opportunity… before we’re ready. You see, I believe it takes more than two years to maximize what you can learn and contribute in a job. By staying in a role for three years, you give yourself time to evolve:

• Year One: The first time you do something (like budget, marketing, or comp planning), you’re mostly learning. Now, you’ll get the job done, but most likely, not in an optimized fashion.
• Year Two: This time, the process feels familiar, and you’ve got a list of things you’d do differently. You’ll ask smarter questions, get further ahead of timelines, and deliver a better product.
• Year Three: Now you’re majorly contributing! You got the the process and you’re nailing the timeline. You focus your attention on optimization, getting more efficient and creative in ways of working to create an outstanding product. What you do and how you do it raises the bar.

Thanks Jayzen for an awesome conversation! 🫶 Click here to listen to the full podcast

Click here to access my other podcasts like Build your Leadership Legacy and check out a few related articles below:

• 3 most underrated leadership traits
• Management vs. Leadership

The post What’s your leadership brand? appeared first on Social Legacy.

So, it’s really about social constructionism.

Social constructionism says that our sense of self is created through social interactions and cultural norms. It suggests that we view authenticity as a socially negotiated concept, rather than an inherent quality. Now, this may run counter to what you grew up believing – that your unique characteristics and how you behave are driven by internal factors. That’s because social constructionism states that environmental factors are what influence your behavior, and there’s no such thing as true authenticity.

Wait, is there science behind this?

I did a little reading and learned a few things.

1. Erving Goffman wrote the book, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. In it, he uses the metaphor of theater to describe social interactions and how they shape the way we see ourselves. He argues that we then invest in “impression management” to sway how others perceive us, maintaining a desired image by adapting our behavior. In short, he suggests that authenticity may simply be a performance that lines up with social expectations.
2. Dan McAdams is a professor at Northwestern University, developed the theory of narrative identity. This theory says that we construct a sense of self by creating and internalizing our life stories. And these narratives give us a sense of purpose, lending meaning to our lived experiences. In fact, how we narrate our life can be key to our well-being. Also, when we’re feeling out of sync, we can simply reshape our stories.

The key ideas are that:

• Knowledge is socially created: How we see the world is shaped by social interactions, vs. a definitive reality.
• Reality isn’t fixed: Rather, it’s constantly dynamic and changes through social interaction.

What do you think?

The above would suggest that authenticity is expressed by displaying our character as others would expect to see us. And maybe that’s true to some extent. But I stand by the idea that we maintain a deeper sense of self which isn’t only informed by those around us.

Humans are complex and while much of how we view ourselves is through the stories we tell, those self-narratives shape how we engage with others… which shapes who we become… and when represented consistently… can become our expression of authenticity. I learned a lot from my interesting conversation with Jon and the subsequent reading. Now, I conclude that authenticity is a complex thing. It’s the dynamic interplay between our internal sense of self, our narrative, and our social interactions.

The post There’s no such thing as authenticity?! appeared first on Social Legacy.

What is Orbiting the Giant Hairball?

It’s a fanastic book! Written by a 30-year veteran at Hallmark Cards, the book honors creativity and considers its intersection with the bottom line.

That topic is still important and relevant – and there’s a second layer to the concept that resonates with me. You see, if the hairball is the complex center of corporate (critical with great gravitational pull, if a bit hairy), entrepreneurial leaders thrive when we find a good spot to orbit. That is, identify where we may benefit from the organization’s resources while still pioneering outsized growth.

So I’m orbiting the hairball.

I’ve enjoyed leading the Jovian planets, those circling a little further from the sun. So, what defines a Jovian planet in the corporate world? It’s when you’re charged with an audacious change management agenda and empowered with decision-making to right/grow the P&L.

Working abroad half of my career, geography has frequently set that context. But even before that, I worked on the Walmart customer team for P&G, which was one of the most fun jobs I’ve had!

Should I keep orbiting the giant hairball?

Naturally, after answering the first question, I wondered if this is steady state or even future state. I know I’m comfortable here – and with my recent role leading West, I’ve gotten much closer to the sun… leading more of a terrestrial planet (yes that’s twice I’ve cited NASA in this post). You can take the nerd out of science but you can’t… well, you know.

Anyway, it’s the right question – and the reason I’m sharing here is, we should all take time to reflect on where we’ve been, where we are, and where would like to be.

• What are the contributing factors to a space where you thrive?
• Does what worked for you 10 years ago work for you today?
• What gets your heart fluttering and your imagination racing?

Here’s to your orbit. May you fly high and soar.

For related articles:

• What you need from your boss to succeed
• The power of reflection: becoming unbreakable
• Sizzles and pops: joy in the workplace
• The power of social legacy in the workplace

The post Orbiting the Giant Hairball appeared first on Social Legacy.

What made Thanksgiving 2024 so special?

1. Mixed it up: Old and new friends aged 2 to 60+ from every continent came together around food and fellowship.
2. Embraced imperfections: The gluten-free labels floated away in the wind… the food got cold… WE got cold… but we focused on the substance of the moment and that meant everything.
3. A regular cadence of fun: After the photo booth, the kids enjoyed a treasure hunt on the property, then Laini took them on a neighborhood scavenger hunt (nice job, love!) Later, Tim did magic tricks and the kids pinned the hat on the turkey.

Oh, the memories!

Our shared living arrangement with Tim & Hannah continues to bring such joy. Hannah’s mom Julia brought a belly laugh that matches my own! And they continue to wow with the most delish cocktails (not to mention ube mashed potatoes what?!)

Waymond Jasper stunned in a tux and the family photo at the end of the night was hilarious! We weren’t in the nicest room… but we had to do it here – surrounding the littlest one where he fell asleep.

So much thanksgiving.

Hearts and bellies full… reminded of the joy of community.. renewed in gratitude for our shared living arrangement, family, friends, and of course, the dogs. 🥰

For those wondering, Minki’s still in Shanghai running MustardTek, whose mission is to harness the creative power of diversity for a more equitable world. His worthy mission makes living as a split family an easy decision.

For more on our chosen shared living lifestyle, check out:

• Co-Journeyers
• The Tribe & The Village

The post Thanksgiving 2024 appeared first on Social Legacy.