The masks we wear at work.

Did you know? 64% of us wear a mask at work, according to a workplace study. Let’s be clear: this isn’t hiding something bad we’re doing. Rather, it’s hiding something core about who we are, for fear of making others uncomfortable or fear of being judged and seeing our careers impacted negatively.

Even more alarming is the amount of energy expended to maintain this mask at work. 25% surveyed claimed it took “a lot” of energy, and 47% feel it takes “some” energy. Only 23% of us feel we expend little to no energy hiding our true selves at work.

Today’s a Monday, so let’s start this work week off right. Find one person you don’t normally praise, and tell them one thing you’ve observed that you like, honor or respect about them. You see? We can help each other take our masks off.

The masks we wear every day.

Do you know that one quarter of Americans under the age of 35 don’t like themselves? According to Yougov, our looks are the #1 source of insecurity. And going beyond the superficial, IPSOS reports that over half of Americans feel that no one knows them well. Now, as someone who blogs about my life, family, and innermost thoughts, I admit this is a little foreign to me!

Yet, how very lonely and isolating this must feel. I imagine a soft, malleable mask pressed onto the face begins to harden over time. It grows layers of protection with each misunderstanding or rejection, melding tightly to the skin. Eventually, the mask becomes indistinguishable from the person and removing that thick, encrusted mask must take a monumental effort! Let’s treat one another with care and help soften those masks, so that one day, we might remove them entirely.

This Halloween let’s take OFF our masks!

How to remove your mask:

Ready to try and remove your mask? Here are 5 tips to get started:

1. In what context do you feel you can be your true self? Is it with your core family? Alone, out in nature? Reflect on where and when – then carve out time to place yourself in this space on a regular basis.
2. Don’t be fooled by Fakebook… I mean, Facebook. In our heads, we know that everything we see isn’t real, but if we spend enough time in the edited, alternate universe of social media, we begin to judge ourselves through that lens.
3. Start small by declaring a “dirty secret” or “guilty pleasure.” Like for me? I love Fast & the Furious movies. I can watch them over and over with a couple fingers of whiskey. Doesn’t paint me as much of an intellectual, right? But that’s me.
4. Take on positive challenges. That’s why I’ve started posting The Spare Room Challenges on my Instagram page, small acts of intention you can take on a daily basis. Do them alone or with a friend!
5. Seek out goosebumps. You know those friends where every time you talk, you get goosebumps from giddy moments of connection, or when intense moments of truth grab you both by the eyebrows. Find those friends and hold them close.

References:

• https://www.jobsage.com/blog/authenticity-in-the-workplace-survey/
• https://today.yougov.com/topics/society/articles-reports/2021/04/01/how-do-americans-see-themselves
• https://www.ipsos.com/en-us/news-polls/us-loneliness-index-report

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First, start with the end in mind.

Begin with ENVISIONING what kind of culture you want to create. Then shift to ENGAGING – bringing the team together to co-create a plan. You can answer the following four questions:

1. Who do you want to be?
2. What do you want your company to stand for?
3. Which people do you need to help bring that vision to life?
4. What practices will you employ to foster your desired culture?

A human-first culture means we must be intentional with our time.

Later in our chat at 12:15, we talk about how our calendar never lies. It’s the one place we can always go to see where our priorities lie, because it shows us where and how we spend our time.

On this topic, Shawn commented, “There’s this perception that smaller companies can’t keep up with the customer experience that the big players offer, because they have a larger workforce.” Well, I think we all have to (get to) play to our strengths! If we have the opportunity to work at a small or medium-sized companies, we’re not weighed down by global imperatives, matrixed layers, or grandfathered-in agreements. In fact, when your ambitions exceed your resources, you find yourself in a sweet spot because it forces you to be creative. You can think up and execute things that people in bigger companies can’t!

Shawn asked a last question, “What advice do you have for executives who want to put people first?”

Then, imagine you work at an agency! 😄

That’s where I am now. And my company is only people. So if you only had people, what might you do differently? And today as our workplace and schedules change, let’s shift our question from “HOW will we go back to work?” to “WHY will we go back to work?” Is this job worthy of your time? You’re worth something and you deserve to work somewhere where you’re valued. To read more about my thoughts on “The Great Resignation”, click here. Listen to my entire discussion with Shawn Nason, click here.

 #sociallegacy #thespareroom #combustionchronicles #podcast #customerexperience #culturematters #engagement #experienceecosystems #experiencedesign #CX #UX #EX #DX #leadership #peoplefirst @manonfiresocial @mofisocial

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Think of the last time you sold your home. You scrubbed your house from top to bottom… your carpet boasted impeccable vacuum lines and your kitchen literally sparkled before your realtor arrives. You were confident their eyes would widen in surprise, impressed with your home’s perfection and declare it a quick sell. 

Instead, they stroll through the rooms slowly, wrinkling their nose at your scuffed dining chairs. They point out marks on the walls you hadn’t even noticed. God help us if they suggest bringing in “a bit of staging here and there.”

We’ve been stuck in the me-circle.

In fact, we can fall into the same me-circle at work.

You see, working in one place for a long time can be highly beneficial. We become integrated with and contribute to the corporate culture. We feel comfortable… at home. These are good things. But if we’ve been in one place for too long, we may also have settled into a cozy me-circle.

Then, new folks join the company and point out dusty corners we literally couldn’t see. It’s bound to happen. The question is, how will we react?

We can internalize newcomers’ observations as insults, defending our space as though we’re defending a part of ourselves. Because maybe we have to some degree, become one with our space. 

Or, we can lift our head and peer beyond the me-circle, gaining a fresh perspective on where we are. See things through fresh eyes and continue to evolve, explore and grow.

Photo: cover, happy pea, sad pea

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What is psychological safety? Simply put, it’s about creating a safe work environment, where people feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable, and to be themselves.

It’s letting people know we have their back, so that they can take interpersonal risk without fear of retaliation.

It’s about creating the space for people to speak up with ideas, questions and concerns.

And as a result, psychological safety enables colleagues to trust each other and feel free, even responsible, for being candid.

What happens when we lack psychological safety?

🤐 People hold back. They worry that their comments may be perceived as sensitive, threatening, political, or wrong. They fear being criticized, mocked or degraded.

🤫 People exhaust themselves, doing mental math. They’re constantly calculating the downside of sharing vs. the upside of speaking up. They weigh the positive of improving our business with the negative of being humiliated or even blamed.

😰 People are unusually, unnecessarily anxious. The stress of constantly doing math and biting the tongue add a layer of wearisome stress on top of the daily pressures we all face.

So, how do we intentionally create a psychologically safe space?

🌪 We must step up the sensitivity. Like meteorologists who constantly read and track the climate, we need to closely monitor the pulse of our organization.

📡 We must turn up the radar. As a detection system seeks out objects by sending out radio waves, we must seek out the fearless few, who are comfortable expressing and being themselves.

📢 We must serve as bullhorns. When we find those fearless, we should turn up the volume. Help amplify their voices, and demonstrate how they share concerns, even mistakes, without fear of embarrassment or retaliation. Allow their confidence to resonate!

So what is the leader’s job in all this?

A leader’s job is to find and hire fearless leaders, to unleash individuals and teams. We’re responsible for fostering an environment that is psychologically safe, and sensing to ensure we retain that sacred space. Last but not least, we must support and reward those who freely contribute both ideas and mistakes.

If we do, everyone will sleep well at night, ensconced in a sense of safety and care. Like Puffin.

Photo credit: rover.com, dogtrainingbasics.com, Laini Chang

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Along similar lines, the concepts of “caring” and “assertive” are often perceived to be at odds with one another.

💖A caring leader may not be known for being decisive or firm.

On the other hand…

📢 We may not expect someone assertive to exhibit compassion or thoughtfulness when addressing the team.

But what if these weren’t contradictory concepts and in fact, proved to be both congruent and additive? In fact, a Caringly Assertive manager is exactly the kind of leader you need to establish a productive culture, to encourage people to come out of their corners, and unlock new potential in the business.

The Caringly Assertive matrix.

I’ll bet you can think of someone you’ve worked with, who fits within each of these quadrants.

1. The ultra-caring leader who lacked assertiveness. Did you feel a personal lack of clarity and did the organization struggle with inefficiency? You see, if leaders care for the team but shy away from tough conversations, they’re doing their people a disservice by failing to help them grow. They’re also neglecting to provide the helpful, clear and consistent direction that we need to move forward in harmony and at pace.

2. Or what about the straight-shooting leader who has no trouble telling you what to do, but doesn’t understand (or care about) how his direction lands? Have you ever felt demoralized around a leader like Bill Lumbergh? Did you ever observe the physical reaction on the floor when that leader walked by? And how often did someone raise his/her hand with a new idea around him?

3. What about the lower left quadrant? Lack of both caring and assertiveness can characterize a whole different brand of frustration. Have you ever worked for someone who fit this definition? What happened to the culture of the place and how did you observe people operating on a day by day basis?

4. Have you worked for someone who was both caring and assertive?

True caring means a leader leans into tough conversations with thoughtfulness, compassion, and respect. Expectations and goals are made clear. Clear communication is role modeled, and we begin to feel safe. Eventually, teams begin to trust that the leader has our back. Then, we begin to collaborate, help one another, and strive together in positivity and unity.

I’d love to hear any experiences you’ve had with any of these quadrants!

Photo cred: https://www.vappingo.com/word-blog/64-examples-of-oxymorons-in-sentences/

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Mirrors reflect your image back to you, right? So, these are the people who show you and tell you what you want to see and hear. They reinforce your opinions and beliefs, but fail to reveal anything new.

On the other hand, windows are transparent and provide a portal to the outside. These are people who provide new perspective. You may not always like what they disclose or unveil, but the contents are likely to be a something new for you to consider.

Choose the window.

Sure, peering into mirrors might help us feel good, validated, reassured. And venturing a glance out a window may leave us feeling vulnerable or uncertain.

But only windows can broaden our view, introduce new, external stimulus, and shape our thinking with additional texture or perspective.

Photo credits: www.archdaily, NASCIENNE

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This week, we were providing a team of movers with directions on what should be packed and what should remain in the house. And as we gave directions on the first day, we made a mistake that caused swirl, confusion, and rework.

On the second day, learning from that experience, my coder husband identified a better way. So on Day Two, instead of giving big picture guidance that the movers might easily overlook or disregard, we laid out the work to be done in step-by-step pieces. No mistakes.

This mindset works in my personal life, too. I can set a goal to “get more fit,” or to “lose five pounds.” That rarely has the desired effect. But when I define a goal to “run three times a week, increasing my pace by at least :05/mi each session,” I am able to achieve steady progress.

Thinking like a coder means breaking down a goal into bite-sized, measurable chunks over a define timeline.

#changemanagement

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