1. Find a Chinese mentor

Over dinner, Jimmy Qian inspired me with his intelligent questions about what it was like working in China. He’s an ABC (American-Born Chinese) who’s bi-lingual… increasingly rare these days! And as we spoke, it struck me to introduce him to a Chinese-based mentor. This seemed to be a practical way to build mutual understanding and respect.

Then it occurred to me, we should each have a Chinese mentor! According to Pew Research, U.S. views of China are at an all-time low. To me, this is a shame because there’s so much I believe each country can learn from the other.

2. I still need a mentor.

Bill Imada and I shared the stage for a panel about mentorship and as we chatted, I realized… I still need a mentor. I’ve just asked someone at work to mentor me; and it became clear that I could use a mentor to help me with the development of “The Spare Room” film project.

You see, we never stop learning, and our ability to continue evolving is in direct proportion to how proactive we are in our pursuit of knowledge. I’m going to ask Bill to mentor me, using the advice I shared on stage. That is to be: 1) Intentional – yep he’s the one and I can communicate why, 2) Clear – here’s what I hope to learn and what I hope to contribute, 3) Specific – how frequently I’d like to meet, for how long.

He’s SUCH a joy and our chemistry reminded me of the “Sizzles & Pops” I wrote about here 😄

3. Learn from young people

Doris Guan reached out to me with some questions, but I walked away with the richer learning. As we spoke, I commented on that fact that she’d written her Chinese name on her lanyard. The young woman immediately responded with passion: “We declare our English names, and even our pronouns… why shouldn’t we proudly proclaim our Chinese identity, too?”

Wow.

She went on to describe how she noticed people of different ethnicities speaking their native tongues with pride. But it seemed Chinese people often stick to English, even when conversing among ourselves. That’s why Doris has made it an intentional decision to always write her Chinese name next to her English name and it’s inspired me to do the same.

We’re only halfway through the month and AANHPI Heritage Month has already inspired new thought and action in me. This captures 3 things I’ve learned this AANHPI Heritage Month… What have you been learning?

If you enjoyed this post, check out:

• How are you telling the story of your life?
• The Chinese word for ‘creativity’
• From my NYU TEDx talk, Be brave in your learning!

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The masks we wear at work.

Did you know? 64% of us wear a mask at work, according to a workplace study. Let’s be clear: this isn’t hiding something bad we’re doing. Rather, it’s hiding something core about who we are, for fear of making others uncomfortable or fear of being judged and seeing our careers impacted negatively.

Even more alarming is the amount of energy expended to maintain this mask at work. 25% surveyed claimed it took “a lot” of energy, and 47% feel it takes “some” energy. Only 23% of us feel we expend little to no energy hiding our true selves at work.

Today’s a Monday, so let’s start this work week off right. Find one person you don’t normally praise, and tell them one thing you’ve observed that you like, honor or respect about them. You see? We can help each other take our masks off.

The masks we wear every day.

Do you know that one quarter of Americans under the age of 35 don’t like themselves? According to Yougov, our looks are the #1 source of insecurity. And going beyond the superficial, IPSOS reports that over half of Americans feel that no one knows them well. Now, as someone who blogs about my life, family, and innermost thoughts, I admit this is a little foreign to me!

Yet, how very lonely and isolating this must feel. I imagine a soft, malleable mask pressed onto the face begins to harden over time. It grows layers of protection with each misunderstanding or rejection, melding tightly to the skin. Eventually, the mask becomes indistinguishable from the person and removing that thick, encrusted mask must take a monumental effort! Let’s treat one another with care and help soften those masks, so that one day, we might remove them entirely.

This Halloween let’s take OFF our masks!

How to remove your mask:

Ready to try and remove your mask? Here are 5 tips to get started:

1. In what context do you feel you can be your true self? Is it with your core family? Alone, out in nature? Reflect on where and when – then carve out time to place yourself in this space on a regular basis.
2. Don’t be fooled by Fakebook… I mean, Facebook. In our heads, we know that everything we see isn’t real, but if we spend enough time in the edited, alternate universe of social media, we begin to judge ourselves through that lens.
3. Start small by declaring a “dirty secret” or “guilty pleasure.” Like for me? I love Fast & the Furious movies. I can watch them over and over with a couple fingers of whiskey. Doesn’t paint me as much of an intellectual, right? But that’s me.
4. Take on positive challenges. That’s why I’ve started posting The Spare Room Challenges on my Instagram page, small acts of intention you can take on a daily basis. Do them alone or with a friend!
5. Seek out goosebumps. You know those friends where every time you talk, you get goosebumps from giddy moments of connection, or when intense moments of truth grab you both by the eyebrows. Find those friends and hold them close.

References:

• https://www.jobsage.com/blog/authenticity-in-the-workplace-survey/
• https://today.yougov.com/topics/society/articles-reports/2021/04/01/how-do-americans-see-themselves
• https://www.ipsos.com/en-us/news-polls/us-loneliness-index-report

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Same behavior, different conclusions.

This is the crux of the issue. If a man comes on strong, he’s perceived as a good leader. But if a woman comes on strong? “She’s a little aggressive, no?” Possibly seen as a little bitchy. “Maybe it’s her time of the month.”

A man adopts a condescending tone? “Well, we all know how he is. After all, he’s a CFO.” But a woman? “She’s going to need some coaching and this may become a career-limiting issue.”

A man delays a decision because he’s thoughtful. “How measured and thoughtful! It’s wonderful that he he’s seeking others’ input.” A woman does the same? “She’s in over her head. She’s wishy-washy and struggles to make decisions.“

Enough.

A woman can be strong and ambitious, thoughtful and considerate. Let’s see the positive in women and recognize them for their strengths. Personally, I’m increasingly seeing my job as an opportunity and privilege to identify and support talent of all gender identities. Let’s find, raise up and become role models for the next generation.

Women, know yourself and embrace your strengths! You’re becoming gold.

This post was inspired when I heard some ugly words spoken on the phone, while one of my favorite artists was playing in the background, Check out the song Gold here, by MILCK. Sometimes we struggle to stand up for ourselves; it’s easier to stand up for others. But MILCK is right – we should be able to feel and express ourselves with confidence and not apologize for it. We should learn to wear self-respect and dignity comfortably. Enough with this age-old double standard.

For related articles, check out:

• A great initiative led by Meta called Pass Her the Mic.
• Three amazing women leaving an incredible social legacy in Ukraine.
• Is Hate Bonding a thing?

Thanks to Jason Pischke for the photo background and header photo credit here

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First, start with the end in mind.

Begin with ENVISIONING what kind of culture you want to create. Then shift to ENGAGING – bringing the team together to co-create a plan. You can answer the following four questions:

1. Who do you want to be?
2. What do you want your company to stand for?
3. Which people do you need to help bring that vision to life?
4. What practices will you employ to foster your desired culture?

A human-first culture means we must be intentional with our time.

Later in our chat at 12:15, we talk about how our calendar never lies. It’s the one place we can always go to see where our priorities lie, because it shows us where and how we spend our time.

On this topic, Shawn commented, “There’s this perception that smaller companies can’t keep up with the customer experience that the big players offer, because they have a larger workforce.” Well, I think we all have to (get to) play to our strengths! If we have the opportunity to work at a small or medium-sized companies, we’re not weighed down by global imperatives, matrixed layers, or grandfathered-in agreements. In fact, when your ambitions exceed your resources, you find yourself in a sweet spot because it forces you to be creative. You can think up and execute things that people in bigger companies can’t!

Shawn asked a last question, “What advice do you have for executives who want to put people first?”

Then, imagine you work at an agency! 😄

That’s where I am now. And my company is only people. So if you only had people, what might you do differently? And today as our workplace and schedules change, let’s shift our question from “HOW will we go back to work?” to “WHY will we go back to work?” Is this job worthy of your time? You’re worth something and you deserve to work somewhere where you’re valued. To read more about my thoughts on “The Great Resignation”, click here. Listen to my entire discussion with Shawn Nason, click here.

 #sociallegacy #thespareroom #combustionchronicles #podcast #customerexperience #culturematters #engagement #experienceecosystems #experiencedesign #CX #UX #EX #DX #leadership #peoplefirst @manonfiresocial @mofisocial

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Sympathy vs. Empathy.

You see, it’s pretty easy to have sympathy – to express sadness for another’s misfortune. But empathy means you deeply understand another person’s suffering and experience. With Lia, the first girl I hosted in my Spare Room, I found myself shocked at many of her stories about living in the street. But it wasn’t until I garnered the courage to live at a homeless shelter for a week, that I began to understand what she went through.

Now, living in a shelter for a few days doesn’t sound like much. And compared to those who find themselves unexpectedly unsheltered, it truly isn’t. Yet, orchestrating the experience, with a desire to better understand what Lia went through, required some intentionality. I called around to find a shelter. I explained my situation, wanting to live there for a week, yet not claim a bed that someone else needed. Then, I took a bus to the shelter and moved in. I don’t think I’ve quite been the same, since.

On intentionality.

Through the last two decades, our family has opened up our home to others. Like living at the shelter all those years ago, intentional giving isn’t always easy. We must remind ourselves that giving isn’t for the sake of having the recipient express gratitude. It’s not action taken, so that we can feel good. Rather, we give regardless of response or outcome. We acknowledge that we have been blessed with so much and lean into generosity, regardless of response.

My friend, Chuck, has his family do an annual “Rice and Beans week.” This teaches his kids and reminds the adults to appreciate the diversity of flavors we enjoy every day. They remember that much of the world subsists on this diet every. single. day. We did this one year, and it ain’t easy! If you’re interested to try the challenge yourself, check this out.

I recently chatted with Heather on the “Just Published” podcast by WNORTH, where we discussed this topic (starting at 22min). Click here to listen to the whole discussion.

To read more about Lia and the other kids we’re cared for in The Spare Room, check out the book on amazon or other major sales platforms.

Photo credit: heartmanity.com

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Because many of us have now experienced a different way to live life. People are placing higher priority on flexibility and personal joy. They’ve reconnected with family, and learned to enjoy the stillness. Remember the amazing poem, And The People Stayed Home?

Also, new ways of work, like remote or flexible work hours have also changed how people think about how work should fit into their lives, instead of the other way around.

Last and possibly most importantly, people are looking for the WHY. It’s not just WHERE or HOW we go back to work, but WHY we believe it’s worth such an investment of our time, energy and passion. Truly, purpose is no longer a luxury.

Are you experiencing an increase in turnover? Are your people asking you more intentional questions about why and how we do what we do? Click here for some questions leaders should be asking.

In fact, some folks have reached out, asking if I might host a Spare Room workshop. If you’ve heard about or read the book and are interested in attending one, please contact me below.

The post The Great Resignation. appeared first on Social Legacy.

People across industries, regions and levels are wondering why they’re going back to work. 

They’re questioning the fulfillment they get out of work… 

    their career choice… 

        their work-life balance… 

             and their very job.

So, as leaders, our job is clear.

We must reflect on what’s going to compel people to want to come back to work with us.

We need to define, live out, and amplify a clear culture in the workplace.

If we haven’t before, now is the time to cultivate a sense of belonging, where everyone feels heard, respected and valued.

It’s time to revisit:

• Our talent acquisition experience. Who do we seek to hire and what should they know about us to consider joining our organization? If we know they seek more than a job, but a meaningful employment that contributes to their holistic sense of being, what do we need to adjust in our approach?
• Employee engagement priorities. We might be working with more agility, changing working hours, seating and all manner of operational standards. What do these adjustments mean for employee engagement? Looking at all our practices with a fresh eye, how might we adjust our priorities to double down on the things that will resonate most?
• Training opportunities. What was our training cadence before the pandemic? What were the learning priorities? Did we have enough mental wellness offerings? Is our delivery system fit for use in today’s new environment?

What are some adjustments you believe you need to make in the workplace? Have you tried anything new that’s working well? If so, I’d love to hear about it!

The post We’re all talking about HOW we should go back to work… appeared first on Social Legacy.

I also answered some tough questions, like “Can leadership be taught and learned?” and “What aspects of leadership do you find most challenging?”

We discussed authentic leadership at length – should a leader ALWAYS be authentic?

And I shared what I view are the most useful resources on a leadership journey.

We also touched on the kind of leadership I find most effective. To check out a matrix I created on what Caringly Assertive looks like, check this out.

The post My interview with Little Black Book appeared first on Social Legacy.

One experience recounted during our discussion remains a particularly vivid memory. As my daughter and I strolled together, quietly chatting, a white male shouted at us, “Take your f-ing kung flu back where you came from!” Then, when I responded to him in English and he realized we were American, he replied, “Oh, you’re one of us. OK, you’re cool.”

Now, my visceral reaction will always be to protect this precious girl, and that day, my instinct screamed to quickly get her far away from that dangerously ignorant man. Yet, in the moment, I also needed to consider how we might extract maximum value from this opportunity. So we continued the dialogue… not because I really thought I could change the stranger’s perspective. But because I realized that this was a teachable moment for Laini. She could witness a calm reaction to blurted-out ignorance. She might understand that we can stand firm in an open, loving way.

Life won’t always be easy and it definitely won’t be fair. But whether at home with our kids or at work with the people we care for, I believe it’s our job to gently correct, to role model love in action. If we can create a real sense of belonging – we create a space of psychological safety, where people can sit comfortably together in silence…

Or joyfully strike a sassy pose… dancing like no one’s watching.

The post My interview with Fast Company appeared first on Social Legacy.

In thinking back to the kids we have cared for in our Spare Room, I shared three practices that have worked for our family. As we welcomed orphaned or vulnerable young people into our home, we were particularly mindful of how we were able to help our Spare Room occupants feel welcome. Not as a guest, but as part of our family.

1. Embrace with language.

Instead of pausing to ask someone, “Would you like to join us?” simply proclaim, “Let’s go!”

In 2012, we welcomed Lexi to our Spare Room, a teenage girl we barely knew. She could be difficult to read and we did our best to include her without overstepping her personal space. Through this experience, we learned a valuable lesson.

Asking Lexi if she’d like to join us on a family activity actually isolated her by calling out her difference vs. the group, even with our best inclusive intentions. On the other hand, when we naturally assumed she was part of us and embraced her with casual, familiar language, she felt much more at ease.

At work, we can resist the impulse to “separately include” another. Instead, we ought to consider how we might embrace another by cultivating a language of belonging.

2. Mind the optics.

Plan ahead with consideration, to ensure no one is accidentally called out or left out.

In 2018, we cared for Lotus in our Spare Room, a girl who was preparing for the Zhong Kao, an important Chinese exam that earns entry into high school. This meant that she often stayed at school until after 7PM.

With Lotus, we learned to think ahead at events, ensuring she had a reserved seat waiting for her when she arrived. This would avoid uncomfortable logistical rearrangements and awkward, unwanted attention.

In the workplace, especially for new hires or interns, let’s ensure enough seats, space, and consideration for those joining the group. Planning ahead will ensure they feel a sense of belonging and care.

3. Acknowledge contribution.

No one wants to feel like a burden and a great way to help folks feel a sense of belonging is to highlight their contributions to the group.

In 2010, Jaesin lived in our Spare Room. He was pretty self-sufficient and as one of our older occupants, required very little support. In fact, he adored Laini and often delighted her with little surprises. On weekends, I often noticed a bowl of watermelon salad thoughtfully left in the fridge, each black seed carefully extracted.

Intentionally noticing and expressing gratitude for Jaesin’s consideration highlighted his contributions to our family. We wanted to stress that not only was he not a burden in our home, but that his very presence enriched it.

In your work group, who’s the unsung hero? Is there someone trying to find their place on the team? Consider their unique contribution and give a shout out!

#diversityandinclusion #belonging #sociallegacy #myspareroom

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